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Sunday, August 31, 2014

Key to FLA Motel's Success? Nekkididity!



Best of Dumbass News

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

The economic funk that has engulfed the country over the last few years (how's that hope and change workin' out for you?) has hit some industries harder than others. My guess is that the travel industry is being hit hard. I mean the price of a gallon of gas here in Maine is hovering between $3.50 and $4. I am not and economist, but that's gotta hurt a lot of bidness owners, especially the restaurant and hotel type deals.

That's exactly what has happened to a hotel owner in Florida. The economic downtown had him on the brink of shutting down his bidness. Then' like a good American during tough times, he came up with a solution to his problem.

Go nekkid!

The Real Fawlty Towers Resort Motel, 1-800-887-3870, Call 'em Today!
David Broad, not to confused with Stupid Broad and Broad Load, says he was this close || to putting padlocks on the doors of the hotel he manages, when the idea of going clothing optional came up and was decided to be worth the risk.

I am not sure about you, but where I come from "clothing optional" always means nekkid. And it's kinda funny that nekkid people like to hang around each other a lot. If Church was "clothing optional", except for the Priest or Minister of course, church buildings. mosques and synagogues would be splittin' at the seams with nekkid parishioners. I guess that would be OK with the Lord, because he sees us all the same way anyhow.

Back to Fawlty Towers Resort Motelthe nekkid hotel, the move to nekkididity has been a good one. They are no longer in danger of closing down because, like I said earlier, nekkid folks like to "hang out" (hahahahaha I kill  me) together, swimming, playing volleyball and doing the ring toss, if you know what I mean and I think you do. By the way, this is the area's only nekkid-if-you-wanna motel. No shit.

The Bottom Line

I wonder what would happen if other bidnesses followed to Nekkid Lead. It would certainly liven up a trip to the convenience store. Especially if it is manned by former strippers. Going to Sonic for a Foot Long would have new meaning.

Image the fun you could have with a trip to the fishing supply store if the employees were nekkid. The words "crank bait" and "plastic worm" conjure up some real doozies of thoughts. How about a new game for fabulous prizes at Dunkin Donuts called Make a Donut Hole in the Dough where the nekkid Dunkin Donut girl would sling a ball of donut dough at nekkid male customers....you get the idea.

Donut holes anyone?

Dumbasses.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Dumbass Motel Sign of the Day!

Rates by the hour.....



Dumbasses.

Dumbass Reasoning: No Toilet Paper? Destroy Motel Room!

Best of Dumbass News

You remember those TV commercials for Motel 6 that said "We'll leave the light on for ya"?

What a stupid damned campaign. The "leavin' the light on for ya" part is cool. Catchy, memorable and annoying.

The part of that ad campaign that bugs me is that the guy who did the voice over for them was from Alaska. Nothing against Alaska, it's a place that has been blessed by Nature way yonder more than many places on Earth. Like New Jersey for instance.

But let's be real.

First of all, how many Motel 6s are there in Alaska? I'll tell you how many. One. That's only one more than Madagascar for Pete's sake! There four million Motel 6s throughout the rest of the country, why not use a voice over guy from Mississippi? Or North Dakota? Or New Jersey. Anywhere but Alaska. It's a minor thing but it pisses me off.

For Motel 6, I'll leave the Dumbass on for ya.

Idiots.

As you may have deduced by now, or maybe not because you are a Dumbass, today's venture into Dumbassville takes us to a motel. There are no strippers or drugs involved, so this ain't one of those stories.(Dammit) Most of us have stayed in a motel at some point or another, not only because we are cheap bastards, but for convenience. Convenience meaning "close to a liquor store". That aside, we stay at a place like Motel 6 and don't expect five star treatment. You sleep, you shower, you hit the road.

Unless you run out of toilet paper.

Like Dereck MacDonald.

Evidently Dereck had to go Number 2 and discovered he was out of TP. Now, I know this can be a stressful situation, having just pinched a loaf and you have no way to get your ass clean. I think, however, most of us could improvise our way out of this type of thing leaving the head with a clean ass. After all, necessity is the Mother of invention.

Dereck didn't see things quite that way and he went apeshit (pun intended). He went on a rampage doing over two thousand dollars worth of damage to a $39.99 a night motel room. His ass still dirty, Dereck plugged up the commode, flushed it and a flood that would do Noah proud ensued. Then he proceeded to "redecorated" the like only a man with a doo doo packed ass can do. He might as well shit two grand, because he ain't gonna make it up in jail at 38 cents a day.

How the hell difficult would it be to call the front desk and say, "I have a dirty ass and no Charmin, could you please send housekeeping with some? Quilted Northern would be fine as well."For Dereck, $2000 worth of difficult. Just a quick call and Dereck could have avoided this whole damn mess. The housekeeping people would have been more than happy to take Dereck some John Wayne toilet paper. John Wayne TP? It's rougher than hell and don't take any shit.

Dirty ass and two large worth of damage...soon Dereck won't need toilet paper. His ass will be cleaned by our adopted felon, Leon "Hung Like a Horse" Williams, IYKWIMAITYD.

I don't think Dereck will ever bitch about TP again.

Dumbass.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Dumbass Fire Safety Tip!

Use Facebook instead.....



Dumbass.

FAIL: Setting Yourself On Fire for the Ice Bucket Challenge! (w/3 Alarm Video!)

Messed Up Ice Bucket Challenge
The Big Thang going on all over the Triple Dub (www.) is the ALS Lou Gehrig's Disease) Ice Bucket Challenge.

This is where seemingly normal people allow a friend or family member to drench him'her with a bucket full of ice water.

This is not as stoopid as it may appear at first glance.

Once icicle-ified, the now-frozen Dumbass challenges other non-frozen Dumbasses to get icicle-ified also.

There is good and there is bad that comes from icicle-ified in such a manor.

The Bad: Male Icicle-ees learn very quickly just how fast his testicles are able to retreat to the warm of anywhere that is not his nutsack. This phenomenon is what is known as Rapid Gazebo Retreat.

The Good: Actually, The Good should be referred to as The Great! This is because each Dumbass that does not experience the maximum effects of Rapid Gazebo Retreat Traumatic Disorder (or the Female Dumbass equivalent thereof) makes a donation to the ALS Association which will help in finding a cure for this horrible disease.

Nice job, Dumbasses!

Except for this guy:



Yes, Dumbasses, he set himself on fire on purpose!

There are at least a few lessons to be learned here:

  1. One should never use grain alcohol as an accelerant to intentionally set your skull ablaze.
  2. If you are drunk enough to willingly perform an act of arson on your own head (even if for a charitable cause), make sure the Stoopid Fuck designated to extinguish your flaming follicles actually pours the water directly onto the fire!
  3. Once you are ignited, never, I repeat never run away screaming like a bitch from the one thing (water) that will save you from being a Deep Fried Dumbass.
  4. This guy is a well-trained Professional Dumbass. And a drunk.
  5. Do not try this at home.
Dumbass.

***Hat Tip to Long Time Friend & a Real Smart Dumbass, Jim Lawrence, Nimitz High School, Class of 1975**
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