Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Dumbass Etiquette of the Day!

No shit......




Dumbass.

U S Gubmint to Employees: No Farting at Work!

Best of Dumbass News

At this moment, there are muchos shenanigans going on in the Gubmint of the United States of America. 

Over the course of the last few years, our Elected Dumbasses have seen fit to:
  • Assume control of your health care by taxing what's left of your ass off.
  • Sic the Bureau of Infernal Revenue on organizations and individuals with political leanings contrary to those of the Dumbass-in-Chief.
  • Reprimand a Gubmint employee for farting at work....
  • Say what?
  • Yep.
Best of Dumbass News

I am a simple man (cue Lynyrd Skynyrd). I have always been in awe of the things that so many people take for granted. Like the stars. We see them every night of our lives and over time they are kind of "just there" to most people. Not to me though. There's not a time I go outside at night and not think of the majesty of those seemingly tiny twinkling lights in the nighttime sky. Think about it for a moment. The star light you are looking at has traveled through the vastness of outer space for billions of light years and is just now visible to the human eye. In essence, you are looking back in time.

Another thing that simply amazes me are tomato seeds. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that something so tiny can, when put into some dirt, watered and given the requisite amount of sunlight, produce a marvel of Nature like a big fat beefsteak tomato. How the hell does that work like that? I don't know and I don't care. All I know is that it does work and I ain't askin' questions.

Which brings us to farting.

A Real Gone Gasser

I am sure that it will come as no surprise to you that stories about farting are not new to Dumbass News. It was almost two years ago to the day that I wrote about the nation of Malawi's proposed law to ban farting under certain circumstances like: "insulting the modesty of a woman," "disturbing religious assemblies" and "trespassing on burial places". Pffffffffttttt!

Last summer I told you about a guy who threatened to shoot his neighbor for farting! This post is doubly entertaining as it also has a brief etymology of the word "fart".

While outlawing gaseous anal emissions and/or shooting another human bean because he broke wind may be a bit on the extreme side, being reprimanded for farting at work is not.

Hostile Work Environment

The U.S. Social Security Administration said it has rescinded a reprimand filed against an employee for creating a "hostile work environment" by passing gas. 
The reprimand, which became public when it was posted on TheSmokingGun website, was filed against a worker accused by co-workers of creating a "hostile work environment" by continuously passing gas and releasing an unpleasant odor, The Washington Post reported Friday. 

The agency said the reprimand has now been rescinded. 

"When senior management became aware of the reprimand it was immediately rescinded," spokeswoman Dorothy Clark said. 

The Social Security Administration did not offer a date for the rescinding action or respond to questions about the status of the employee. 

The reprimand was filed by the agency's Office of Disability Operations and cited 60 occasions when the worker was accused of passing gas -- up to nine times per day -- in his office over the course of about 12 weeks. 

The employee was described by TheSmokingGun as a 38-year-old man working at a Social Security office in Baltimore. 


Is nothing sacred anymore?

When an employer can reprimand, or even possibly terminate, you because you exercise your Constitutionally-guaranteed (it falls under the "pursuit of happiness" or something) right to let one rip, then that employer must be held accountable! 

Revolt!

Eat more beans!

Do not be silent! (but deadly)

Fart like there's no tomorrow!

Dumbasses.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Another Look at Dumbass Classified Ads!

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A few years ago, I started a feature  on Dumbass News called Dumbass Newspaper Headlines. DNH was so popular that I decided to make them a regular part of the blog.

Last night I was considering writing a new post of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines, when all of the sudden I thought about a little blurb I saw in a small town Texas newspaper about twenty years ago. This long ago and faraway memory got me to thinking that newspapers have some pretty damn funny stuff in them besides the stoopid headlines. Of course, there's the occasional typo that completely alters the intended meaning of a sentence, but there is also another very important part of a newspaper that can provide an unintentional belly laugh - the classified ads!

With this in mind, I used my Fearless Leader Google Fu and came upon some damn funny classifieds floating around the ether.

AmIageniusorwhat?

So, Fellow Dumbasses, without further ado, I present to you the Very First Edition of Dumbass Newspaper Classified Ads!

Keep in mind that these are actual ads run in actual newspapers all across the country.

The Ads

Dammit! I was looking for a used tombstone that said"Smith".
--------------------------------------------------------------


Winter time can be awful lonely in Boise.
---------------------------------------------------

I want some of what this guy's smokin'.
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Well that narrows down the search!
----------------------------------------------------


Throw in a young stripper and it's a deal.
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Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.
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Just in case you are ever chased by a dog in a foreign country. Or a foreign dog for that matter.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


That's the Christmas Spirit!
------------------------------------------------




This must be an ad for Bud's Medical Center.
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And last but not least...



Wanna go shopping, Ladies?

Dumbasses.

***Special Thanks to 11Points.com & jayp.net for the Ads!***

Dumbasses Stayed Here: Stoopid Motel Signs!

Happy Labor Day!

Here we are at the Unofficial End of Summer and Vacation Season, school is underway in much of the country and wearing white is now a no no.

That said, I thought today would be a nice time to look back at the Signs of Summer - hotel/motel signs seen by millions of Americans as they traversed the length and breadth of the Fruited Plain over the last few months.

By "signs seen by millions of Americans as they traversed the length and breadth of the Fruited Plain over the last few months" I of course mean that I shamelessly stole from the Internet.


What Reason Might that Be?

I Always Look For "Refreshing Poo" When I Travel

So Do Imainary Hookers

Fook Town?

Halfway? Try Harder.

For Those Who Don't Pay.

My Invitation Must Have Gotten Lost in the Mail.

Extramarital Stoopid.

Planning Ahead.

AKA "Grand Slam" Breakfast.


Dumbasses.


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