Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Dumbass News Is Closed for Bidness

I don't know where to begin, really.

But I do know where to end.

After today, I will not be blogging anymore. For a while at least. My initial thought is to take a month or two off then come back as stoopid as ever. As of right now, I can't say when, or even if, I will resume writing Dumbass News again. Some time in the future I may just post videos of The World's Best Dumbassery on Dumbass Tube. I simply don't know.

There are a million reasons why I should/could continue with blogging, but there is one reason why I can't - mental health, i.e., bipolar depression, PTSD, ADHD, etc. (Yes I am taking my medication and keeping Doctors appointments and all that stuff, but I am still a work in progress.)

All these Alphabet Soup Diagnoses have really messed up thought process. Think of a bowl of spaghetti. That's what the ruminations bouncing around in my brain must look like - chaotic, helter skelter and otherwise jumbled to shit. This is certainly not conducive to producing Written World Class Dumbassery.

While my battle with depression has been an ongoing struggle for more than three decades, I am now at a point where it's not just an "inconvenience", it is my constant companion. I am actually a little bit concerned about it.

I could go into greater detail but I am not gonna turn this post into a "woe is me" whinefest, so suffice it to say that I have some work to do so I can get back to being an abnormal Human Bean.

If for some reason you ever need a Daily Dose of Dumbassery, there are over 1000 Dumbass News stories on my Pinterest page. 

You can also find some damn good bloggers in the left sidebar under "Dumbasses I Read". 

I can't thank y'all enough for all the support you have given me over the last four and a half years, but please know that I have been humbled by it.

Hasta la vista.


Monday, March 9, 2015

The Ole Dumbass' Face Pierced With Fish Hooks Trick! Srsly

Hooked on stoopid.....


Bare Ass vs. Electric Fence Or Face Meet Cow Pie! (VIDEO)

Candidate for the Best Use of an Ass in the 2015 Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Awards!

Be sure to watch this all the way through. The end result is the best thing since someone figgered out how to turn agave into tequila.


***Hat Tip to The Pride of Rockwall, Texas & Scourge of Lake Ray Hubbard, Matt V.***

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Guns, Death & An Ass Whoopin'!



2 Years Ago Today: Thief Uses I D to Buy Beer From Lady She Stole I D From!

Best of Dumbass News

Thanks to my long time friend Matt Vaughn in Texas, today we are breaking new ground in the sink hole that is Dumbass News. I've come to expect stuff like this from Matt because he is one of the biggest Dumbasses I know. I must admit, however, that I am a bit jealous of Matt. And by "jealous" I of course mean that I would pay an exorbitant amount of money to one of my wife's Eye-talian uncles  (Sicilian, naturally) to put Young Matthew to "sleep with the fishes", IYKWIMAITYD. This would be easy to accomplish because my buddy Matt lives near one of my old fishing holes, Lake Ray Hubbard. This is one of the reasons I am jealous of my friend - because he lives so damn near the lake. Another reason I am envious of Matt is because he has a Harley and I don't. Having said all this, you can easily see why Matthew deserves a fate of nothing less than becoming catfish food.

So, Matt, if you wake up one morning with a severed horse head in your bed, it's nothing personal, bro. It's just bidness.

New Ground

The groundbreaking part of our story today involves ID theft. This is a first for Dumbass News. In the past I have written about this stoopid bitch that was cashing Social Security checks - that were written to her DEAD boyfriend! There was also the time that we discovered that credit card theft is a gateway to becoming a smoker.

While cashing gubmint checks made out to your dead boyfriend and credit card theft are fine felonies indeed, they don't compare to the Dumbassery we will learn about today.

May I See Your ID, Please?

Brianna Priddy is a waitress at the Applebee's in the Denver suburb of Lakewood, Colorado. A couple of weeks ago, Brianna's wallet was stolen from her. In the meantime, somebody was going around the Greater Denver area cashing hundreds of dollars of bad checks using Brianna's stolen ID. This is important to remember.

One day Brianna was at work serving some delicious Applebee's menu fare to the upstanding citizens of the Metro Denver area when a young lady came into the restaurant and was seated in Brianna's section. The young lady, whom we'll call Clarice, then ordered an adult libation. Brianna wasn't sure that Clarice was of legal drinking age, so like the Law and Applebee's company policy dictate, Brianna asked Clarice for some form of identification to verify that Clarice was indeed of the age of majority. Clarice happily complied and presented a drivers license to the waitress.

The ID that Clarice showed the server was Brianna's stolen drivers license! This is what is commonly referred to as "Karma" or as I like to call it, "a swift kick in the nuts".

Do Not Pass "Go"

One can only imagine what Brianna was thinking. But, she kept her cool and calmly took Clarice's drink order then proceeded to call the local constabulary post haste.

Clarice was taken into police custody and charged with a bunch of shit that will keep her behind bars for a few years.

Thank you, Matt, for this heartwarming story of what goes around comes around. I can always count on you to deliver the goods, all in the name of Good Old Fashioned Dumbassery.

Now about that horse head....

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