Most, if not all, of these New Dumbasses are unfamiliar with our End-of-the-Year Extravaganza known as 4th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Awards!
They will after gettin' a load of this:
A Dumbass of the Year Primer (Best of Dumbass News)
This is a post I've been meaning to write for a few weeks, but I have been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest.
There's no rest for The Wicked.
Or a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest.
Or a Fearless Leader.
We are headed to the 2013 Dumbass of the Year Awards like a snow ball headed for Hell. This month Dumbass News will celebrate (and by "celebrate" I of course mean "humiliate" ourselves before the 172 nations on Planet Earth that read this shit) the 4th Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial "You Big Dummy" Dumbass of the Year Awards!
It is about this time of year that I like to highlight some of the first half of the year contenders for the AFGSMYBDDOTYA, a.k.a. The Dummies.
Let us trudge ahead.
Mid Year Dumbass of the Year Contenders (2013)
- Dumbass Job Hunting Tips - Our country has been experiencing a very high unemployment rate for several years now. This being the case, it is incumbent upon me to utilize the Bully Pulpit known as Dumbass News as a Vehicle for the Common Good of the People of the United States of America in an effort to reduce this jobless number by at least 7 Americans. The job hunting tips in this post will, without fail, assist you in learning the techniques needed to obtain gainful employment. At Wal Mart. Or 7 - 11. Or something.
- Removing Your Wedding Ring w/ a 9 mm Pistol - Soap doesn't work? Grease? Cold water? If you are one of the millions of Dumbasses who have tried in vain to remove your wedding ring for whatever reason, the guidelines provided in this post will, in explicit detail, instruct you on how to use a high velocity pistol bullet to do the trick. Ready. Aim. Dumbass.
- Lion Kills Woman Having Sex in African Bush - Bushwhacked in the bush while giving up the bush. I highly urge each and every one of you to avoid doing the Dirty Deed within smelling range of one of the most efficient predators on this planet. Your mileage may vary.
- Congress More Popular Than Meth Labs - But not by much. I'm just sayin'.
Keep in mind that this is only a partial list of the contenders for the Only Honor on the Internet Worth Its Weight in Mad Dog 20/20.