We are already Full Tilt Boogie into the Christmas Spirit here at The Dumbass Dome.
Especially Bailey the Six Year Old.
Her Christmas Wish List is really very simple. All I'd need is to do is DVR Nickelodeon for twenty-four hours and make a list of every toy in every commercial that ran in those 24 hours and buy each one for Bailey.
This would make Bailey the Six Year Old a Very Happy Little Girl.
It would also make Daddy the Fearless Leader a Very Broke Man - and a VIP Customer at every Pay Day Loan Rip Off Joint in New England.
Best of Dumbass News
I have read some nice stories about people all over the country having such a wonderful Christmas with their families.
Include my family on that list.
The Terrero family in West Hartford, Connecticut had a very memorable Christmas - especially 19 year old Francheska.
It was a typical Christmas Eve at the Terrero house.
|Weird Eye-talian Christmas Tree|
Until Francheska got into the Christmas "spirits".
The story doesn't say what prompted Francheska's outburst, other than the fact that she was bombed, but she must have been in a holiday frame of mind because she picked up the family Christmas tree and threw it at her parents! Assuming that 'Terrero" is an Eye-talian name, I thought throwing Christmas trees at one's parents might be some sort of weird Eye-talian Christmas Tradition.
So, being a Professional Internet Blogging Sensation and 10th Degree Black Belt in Google Fu, I went to the best source of Weird Eye-talian Christmas Traditions that I could find: my wife, who is Eye-talian. When I asked her about Christmas Tree Throwing as an Eye-talian Tradition, she says to me, "Are you drunk?".
I took that as a "no".
Anyway, Francheska got smashed on Christmas Eve and threw a fully decorated Christmas tree, which is not a Weird Eye-talian Christmas Tradition, at her Mom and Dad.
Mom called 9-1-1 and reported a 10-86, which in Police 10-code terminology means Mom called 911 and reported a 10-86, which in Police 10-code terminology means "drunk daughter throws a fully decorated Christmas tree, which is not a Weird Eye-talian Christmas Tradition, at her parents".
As Mom was on the phone with the cops, Frankie yanked the phone out her hand and threw that too! At her father! I know for a fact that phone throwing on Christmas Eve is not a Weird Eye-talian Christmas Tradition, but it is a Weird Christmas Tradition for drunk Hungarians.
But I digress.
So the heat (cops) show up at the Terrero home, notice that Francheska is FUBAR'ed and that the Christmas tree had been "relocated" and was surrounded by some shattered ornaments. The police then explained to Francheska that even though Christmas tree throwing is not a Weird Eye-talian Christmas Tradition, it is against the law, especially if you throw the tree at another person.
Frankie was charged with disorderly conduct, assault and interfering with a 911 call, not to mention throwing fully decorated Christmas trees at your parents while shit faced without a permit.
OK, I made that last charge up.
Francheska was hauled off to jail, Mom and Dad were treated for minor injuries and the Christmas tree suffers from PTSD, so all things considered, everything turned out for the best.
We can all be thankful that it wasn't Thanksgiving and Francheska got hammered and threw a bowl of giblets at her parents. Or is that a weird Eye-talian Thanksgiving Tradition of which I am unaware?
I'll have to ask my Eye-talian wife about that one.
Hopefully, she won't notice that I'm drunk - which is an Eye-talian Christmas Tradition. :)
(hat tip to Mrs. Fearless Leader)