I hate to go shopping.
Except for shopping while taking a doo doo.
What I Do When I Go Shopping
- I make a list.
- I get the shit on The List as quickly as possible.
- I pay for the shit on The List.
- I go home.
This is how God Hisownself intended things to be for men.
On the other hand, The Almighty, Creator of All That Is Good and Shopping Too bestowed upon wimmin two things that in the Final Analysis of the Glory of the Universe are relegated solely to the Fairer Sex - the miraculous ability to give birth to Baby Human Beans and the Capacity to Shop With the Ferocity of a Rampaging Herd of Wild Buffaloes With Their Asses Set On Fire With Kerosene. Sometimes this phenomenon referred to as "Black Friday at Wal Mart Even If It's Not Black Friday". It is indeed one of the Great Mysteries of Life.
Galloping to the rescue (on an albino jackass named Cletus) for shopping-challenged Dumbasses like me comes the Official Sultanette of Snark for Dumbass News, Teri from Snarkfest!
Teri presents to us some mighty fine gift-giving choices for the Dumbasses who touch our lives.
What Dumbass wouldn't be ecstatic to receive something like this under the Christmas tree:
|Original Liquid Ass|
Snarky is professional enough a shopper to recommend only Top Quality Products like Original Liquid Ass! Don't be fooled by cheap imitation Liquid Ass substitutes! Generic Liquid Ass items just don't have enough real ass in them to compare to the all natural swamp donkey ass ingredients used in Original Liquid Ass!
But wait! There's more! Teri has a plethora of premium presents sure to please even the most discriminating gift recipient in your home!
So, what are you waiting for??!!
Make your holiday gift selction at Snarkfest right now!
Just in case Nature calls, and you need to take a healthy shit, make sure your cell phone is charged up and ready to go so you can shop from the comfort of your very own toilet!
Teri won't even peek at you.
Unless you wanna Skype, then she's all in.
OK...I made up that "she's all in" part.