Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

"Liquid Ass" & Other Dumbass Holiday Gift Ideas from Snarkfest!

I am a Guy.

I hate to go shopping.

Except for shopping while taking a doo doo.

What I Do When I Go Shopping

  1. I make a list.
  2. I get the shit on The List as quickly as possible.
  3. I pay for the shit on The List.
  4. I go home.

This is how God Hisownself intended things to be for men.

On the other hand, The Almighty, Creator of All That Is Good and Shopping Too bestowed upon wimmin two things that in the Final Analysis of the Glory of the Universe are relegated solely to the Fairer Sex - the miraculous ability to give birth to Baby Human Beans and the Capacity to Shop With the Ferocity of a Rampaging Herd of Wild Buffaloes With Their Asses Set On Fire With Kerosene. Sometimes this phenomenon referred to as "Black Friday at Wal Mart Even If It's Not Black Friday". It is indeed one of the Great Mysteries of Life. 

Galloping to the rescue (on an albino jackass named Cletus) for shopping-challenged Dumbasses like me comes the Official Sultanette of Snark for Dumbass News, Teri from Snarkfest!

Teri presents to us some mighty fine gift-giving choices for the Dumbasses who touch our lives.

What Dumbass wouldn't be ecstatic to receive something like this under the Christmas tree:

Original Liquid Ass

Snarky is professional enough a shopper to recommend only Top Quality Products like Original Liquid Ass! Don't be fooled by cheap imitation Liquid Ass substitutes! Generic Liquid Ass items just don't have enough real ass in them to compare to the all natural swamp donkey ass ingredients used in Original Liquid Ass! 

But wait! There's more! Teri has a plethora of premium presents sure to please even the most discriminating gift recipient in your home!

So, what are you waiting for??!!

Make your holiday gift selction at Snarkfest right now!

Just in case Nature calls, and you need to take a healthy shit, make sure your cell phone is charged up and ready to go so you can shop from the comfort of your very own toilet!

Teri won't even peek at you.

Unless you wanna Skype, then she's all in.

OK...I made up that "she's all in" part.



Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Dumbass Daddy Moment: "Dad, Put My Hair in a Bun"

Well...she did say put it in a bun!


***Hat Tip to Mija***

Dumbass Scorched Tongue Video: When a "Cherry" Is Not a Cherry!

Not What She Ate

Best of Dumbass News

When a cherry is not a cherry.....

.....but one of the hottest peppers in the world!


Monday, November 24, 2014

Dumbass Deer Cartoon of the Day!

The Light to Remain Silent.....


Dumbass Outdoors: Hunter Bags Buck: Deer Gets Revenge!

I have lived in some states in our country where hunting is a Big Deal. 

In Texas, Colorado and Maine, hunting is a birth right, exercised by several generations of millions of families in that trio of states.

It may come as a surprise to you that each and every hunter from all those generations are members of PETA. No, Dumbass not that PETA. I am talking about the Redneck version of PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals.

There is a similar organization of PETA in Spain - Los Pendejos de PETA.

Marino Malerba is one of those pendejos.

Like many European Meskins, Marino was a cazador (hunter).

After much-detailed preparation for his European Meskin Big Game Hunting Extravaganza, Marino set out on his faithful burro Julio Iglesias in search of a bounty of tasty animals with which to make the Euro-Mex version of menudo.

Marino and Julio Iglesias spent many hours that day painstakingly pursuing their prey.

At last, they found it! High upon a ledge almost overhead, a deer the size of a Euro-Meskin hooker
majestcally posed, looking out over the Spanish country side.

His heart pounding in chest, his hands shaking, Marino took careful aim at his quarry. Taking a few deep breaths in order to calm himself, Marino located the stag in his rifle's scope and ever-so-gently sqeeeeeeezed the trigger.


Remember that part up there ^^^ where I said the deer was damn near straight overhead from Marino?

Make that exactly overhead from Marino.

El Jefe de Cazadores Pendejos did inded inflict a fatal gun shot wound upon the deer, but there was one small problema.

The deer fell off its perch high atop the ledge and landed smack dab on top of Marino!

Killing. Him. Graveyard. DEAD.

Julio Iglesias was unharmed.


***Hat Tip to Fearless Mom & The Darwin Awards Guys (sorry I have no link)***

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