Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbasses Are 3 for 1 Today! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, October 4, 2010

Dumbasses Are 3 for 1 Today!

A Lawnmower and Its Dumbass*
What's with the overstock of dumbasses in Florida these days? Yesterday, in Manatee, Florida, we had a guy who tried to hide some crack cocaine in his ass crack. Today our dumbass, Charles McDaniel, is in the Tampa Bay Area. However, McDaniel is not trying hide crack in his crack. He is attempting to escape from police with his ass planted firmly on a riding lawnmower! Here's the deal: Tampa Bay law enforcement got a tip that McDaniel was concealing stolen property in his home. During the service of the search warrant, somebody notified the cops that McDaniel was fleeing the scene on a riding lawnmower! Zipping along at the lightning speed of about 7 miles per hour, McDaniel was soon apprehended by the local constabulary, who were giving pursuit in patrol cars equipped with highly modified, 400 horsepower V-8s. Good ol' Chuck was arrested and charged with a bucket full of felonies and being a dumbass. End of story, right? Wrong. The highly-trained and professional "journalists" at needed to add perspective to this story, so they found a guy who sets land speed records on, you've got it, riding lawnmowers! What.The.Frak? This sort of insight is invaluable to the average newspaper reader. Mr. and Mrs. Average Newspaper Reader would never believe that cops with high performance squad cars could catch a dumbass trying to escape them on a riding lawnmower, so the reporters of this story contact a dumbass named Bobby Cleveland, who has done 96.5 mph on a souped up John Deere who says brilliant things like "You could get it to about 7 or 8 miles per hour -- max." Then Mr. Dumbass Hot Rod Lawnmower Riding Guy gives us this pearl of wisdom, "It's not an escape vehicle," he said. "You're sitting up there too high, so there's nowhere to hide. And they're just a little too slow..."
No shit, Briggs and Stratton breath. We have established the fact that Charles McDaniel is a dumbass for trying to elude police on a riding lawnmomwer, but now we have two more dumbasses in this story. Hot Rod John Deere Guy and those Mensa Members at Here's what I think: anybody that rides a lawnmower at 96.5 mph is a dumbass. But this maroon is probably a product of the public school system, so I'll cut him a break. On the other hand,we have the reporters at They took up valuable company time costing who knows how much to actually search for Souped Up Lawn Mower Dumbass for his "professional opinion" on why Charles McDaniel is a dumbass for fleeing the fuzz on a riding lawnmower! Now that's dumbassery at its best. Hell, the reporter dumbasses could have picked any name out of the Tampa phone book and gotten the same observations. Is it any wonder that the American citizenry holds the main stream media in such low regard? The Dumbass runs thick in Tampa Bay. You'd need a new John Deere just to cut through it. Dumbasses.

**Photo from Aol News**

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