Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: From Burglar to Bitch - The Story of Robert : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Saturday, December 11, 2010

From Burglar to Bitch - The Story of Robert

Former Dumbass Burgler, Now a Dumbass Prison Bitch
Persistence overcomes resistance, but persistence does not overcome dumbass. And the story of today's dumbass further proves that the dumbass is a mighty powerful force in those who are eat up with it.

For the tale of our Dumbass of the Day, we travel to Bolingbrook, Illinois, where we meet up with Robert Osewski, thief on probation and about as useful as tits on a boar hog. You see...on May 28, 2009, Robert the Thieving Dumbass broke into a local residence and stole a bunch of stuff and by stuff I mean a Wii, Xbox, jewelry, stocks and bonds and fifty bucks in changewith his loot totaling over $20 Large, $20,000. Robert was later arrested, tried, convicted and placed on probation. Probation? For stealing $20,000 worth of stuff? The judge in this case has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt (a little legal lingo there) that he is a dumbass in robes and doesn't deserve to sit on the bench for which he was entrusted. But I digress. 

Back to Robert the Thieving Dumbass. Robert is on probation now and he decides to pull off another burglary. That, in and of itself, is a dumbass thing to do, but our man Robert does the Daily Double of Dumbassery. The burglary he has planned is for....wait... for.... it....the same house that he robbed before! It takes a special kind of dumbass to do what Robert is about to do. When I say "special kind of dumbass", I don't mean exemplary, I mean dumb as a box of hammers. Robert failed to see the stupidity of his idea, so he went right ahead and busted in and stole from the same house he had hit a while back. That's pretty damn stoopid right there, but Robert went above and beyond the call of dumbassery. He brought along a helper, sort of an Apprentice Dumbass, to help him out. Another dumbass move. Oh, but it gets better still! Robert and his Apprentice Dumbass broke into the same house that Robert robbed before, mind you, and stole the same stuff he had stolen before! Does this man's dumbass know no limit? 

The Bolingbrook Cops, not dumbasses at all, quickly saw the link between this burglary and the one Robert was convicted of in 2009. Robert the Thieving Dumbass and his Apprentice Dumbass were arrested and immediately placed in the custody of the Bolingbrook House For the Criminally Dumbass. OK, I made that part up, but the two dumbasses were arrested and taken to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. 

I'm sure it won't be long until Robert the Thieving Dumbass becomes Robert the Prison Bitch Dumbass and his partner in crime will be an Apprentice Prison Bitch to a loving inmate partner. Frakkin' dumbasses.

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