|Prison Lesbian - My Kind of Prison Bitch|
In our next Dummy category, the Best Performance by a Prison Bitch Headed for Hell Division, we have some of our fellow citizens who ain't exactly starin' St. Peter square in the eye. For these dumbasses, the Pearly Gates are seemingly welded shut. Let me splain.
The nominees for this particular Dummy are not what we call productive, law-abiding Americans. These men are killers, escapees and lifers. They may be God's children, but unless they find Jesus real quick, they will end up as God's red-headed step children. Nothing against red heads or step kids - I have both in my immediate family. So quit yer bitchin'.
Inmate Sues Prisons Over Soy - This asswipe is doing life without parole for being real naughty. So what does he waste his time on? Suing the Florida Department of Corrections (or whatever) because they (the FDOC) use soy in their meat products. And by "soy" I mean beans, not sauce. This ain't Wung Fu's Chinese Take Out we're talking about here. This is prison, dumbass! You want steak? Don't do shit that'll put you in The Big House.
Another Dumbass with a Tattoo Is Now a Prison Bitch - This shit for brains murdered another gangbanger and thought he had gotten away with it. El wrong-o, Frijole breath. He gets a tattoo depicting the crime and the crime scene. The only thing he left off the tat was his inmate number. He can get that added now. Read the story. It's beaut.
Ed Takes a Walk into Prison Bitch-hood - Ed, the dumbass, got a five year hitch for some kind of dumb shit and was doing a fine job of serving it - until he got on the prison work detail program. One day, Ed just walked away. He was busted for pissing in public thirty years later! ed is now serving his original sentence plus a lot more. It's a heart-braking story. Really. No kiddin'. Yeah...right.
And the winner of the Prison Bitch Headed for Hell Dummy award is.....Ed!!! The dip stick was only a little while away from completing his sentence and would have been under 30 years of age upon said completion. he's now 50 and will be lucky to see the light of day as a free man ever again.