Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Chimney Prevents Crime! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Chimney Prevents Crime!

Crime Buster!
This story is about something that has had me puzzled for years. Why in the world would any dumbass want to burglarize a home by climbing down the chimney unless he's a midget dumbass? I mean the average chimney couldn't be more than a couple of square feet in size. Wouldn't that be a tight fit for any normal sized man? I stand 5'4" and go about 150 lbs. I am not pudgy, much less fat, and even I wouldn't try to go down a chimney to commit a burglary. That begs the next question. How the hell do you go back up the chimney to leave the scene of the crime? But, Toby, you dumbass, you could use a door to make your escape! If a man is dumbass enough to try to go down a chimney to steal some shit from some poor schmuck, then he's too big a dumbass to use a door to get away! If he was gonna use a door to escape, why wouldn't the dumbass just jimmy a door open to gain entry into the house? Only the dumbass knows for sure.

This question piqued my interest when I read the story of an Arlington, Texas man who tried to rip off a house by going down the chimney. His evil plans went awry when the dumbass tried to go down the chimney and he got stuck! I guess there must be a shortage of midgets who want to rob houses by going down chimneys. Anyway, the dumbass got stuck and then he knew he was screwed and wasn' gonna get kissed, so he hollered for help until the Arlington fuzz arrived at the scene. The dumbass was extracted from the chimney and charged with burglary of a habitation. Also when searching the dumbass' Jeep, they found some pot and the dumbass was hit with that charge as well. The key to this whole case is the pot. The dumbass probably smoked a little weed and then went to Taco Bell for the 24 tacos for $4.99 special and sucked all the tacos down like a fat kid slams a chocolate cake. After a couple dozen Taco Bell tacos, nobody is gonna be able to fit in to a chimney. Not even a midget crook. That's my theory and I'm stickin' to it. There's a lesson in all this talk of burglarizing homes by way of the chimney - get high AFTER you pull off the job! Then go to Taco Bell! Dumbass.
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