I am a tortured man today (I am writing this on Friday). I climbed out of bed at 6:00 am and went downstairs to help my wife get the oldest daughter off to school and maintain some sort of control over the 4 year old. Let me tell you that that's a tall order for an arthritic middle aged man with fibromyalgia. However, today this task was made more difficult to the nth degree. My wife had gotten up at 3:30 in the morning to watch the Royal Wedding! It was still on, of course when I woke up, much to my dismay. It was sickening. Listen (or watch) to the ABC-TV coverage of this hullaballoo and the mere sound of the voices of Barbara Walters and the other ABC cackling hens plus the sissy boy guest commentators will make you fucking VOMIT!
I did, however, find some much needed comic relief in this Royal Ripoff. The hats on many of the female wedding guests. I no longer have to depend on sit ups and crunches to maintain 6 pack abs. I laughed my way to 12 pack abs while watching these uppity broads flaunting the contraptions on their skulls. What follows is a series of actual photographs of actual hats worn by actual uppity broads at the actual uppity Royal Wedding. I will leave a comment under each photo unless I am rendered speechless by the absurdity of it all.
The Hats at the Royal Wedding
This hat is the "I Cut Off Part of an Oak Tree and Attached It to My Head" look. It's perfect for the Tree Hugger in every Royal Family.
This woman had caterpillars inserted into her skull at just the right time so they would emerge on the
day of the Big Event. She was last seen running scared from hungry mockingbirds.
"I'm wearing my supper plate as a hat today so I'll be prepared for the Royal Buffet tonight."
Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice, decided to don a buzzard's nest with the egg included!
Showing her love for the home team hockey club (Chicago Blackhawks), this Royal Wedding guest bragged that "We won the Stanley Cup!", which she rented from the NHL.
There are a million more of these "designer" hats to make you heave and to prove what a generous man I am, Here's the link to Google Images where you can view more uppity broads wearing uppity broad hats at the uppity Royal Wedding. Dumbasses.
I am sickened by the fact that I'll never be able to un-see this monstrosities and/or get a do-over for today. Somebody please insert a Wilkinson Steel sword into omy left ear and out the right. Thank you.