Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Kentucky Fried Felonies! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, April 8, 2011

Kentucky Fried Felonies!

Today's venture into Dumbass Land is one for the books. This story is up there with the best of them, including the drunk lady who attacked a cop with a sex toy and the nekkid mail guy from yesterday. Unlike those two dumbasses who acted alone in their dumbassery, today's Dumbass News feature involves a whole family! After all, it is the holiday season when families should be spending time together and doing all sorts of family activities, right?

A dumbass family in Akron, Ohio, like millions of families around the country were getting together to celebrate the birth of our Lord. That's when the Ghost of Dumbass Present came a knockin'. Two brothers and their mother were enjoying a little fried yardbird when all Hell broke loose. Brother #1 accused Brother #2 of taking a bite from a piece of chicken and throwing it back on the plate. This is unacceptable behavior, except in Kentucky where this is called "sharing". Well, Brother #2 took offense at the suggestion that he would do something so rude and unsanitary, after all Akron is a few hundred miles north of Kentucky. At this point, like a true gentleman, Brother #1 invited Brother #2 outside for a good old country ass kickin' a friendly discussion of what had transpired. Brother #2 agreed and outside they went. Once outside, a lively discourse took place then Brother #2 excused himself from the debate in order to retrieve a crowbar. He then proceeded to pound Brother #1 about the head, shoulders and the upper extermities of his body. In other words, Dumbass #2 cracked open Dumbass #1's skull with the crow bar. Dumbass #1 then bled a lot, Brother #2 split before the law could get there and Mom admitted to being the unrefined wench who took a bite of the piece of chicken and putting it back on the plate! A dumbass family trifecta! Maybe Akron is closer to Kentucky than I thought. But I digress.

Brother #1 was taken to the hospital and after bleeding a lot then getting patched up, was free to go home with Mom and review the events of the day. It was determined that Brother #2 was not only a dumbass, but a felon as well, Brother #1 is a pussy who let his little brother crack open his skull like a baker cracks open an egg and Mom is a dumbass for putting a used chicken leg back on the plate and keeping her mouth shut while felonies were being committed in her front yard.

Thus ends our tale of a happy family in Akron, Kentucky Ohio. Dumbasses.

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