Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Newspaper Headlines! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Dumbass Newspaper Headlines!

Dumbass Headlines
Something we haven't done in a while is Dumbass Newspaper Headlines, so I figured today would be a good day to do them. My source is littlecalamity.tripod.com and they do not specify from which newspaper these headlines come, so I have no way of giving credit where credit is due. I shall, however, steal use them and make the funny.
  • 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves - God knows what they would have won if they had thunder thighs
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft - Note to astronaut: No red beans and cornbread just before next liftoff. I'm just sayin'.
  • Big Ugly Woman Wins Beauty Pageant (Newspaper in town of Big Ugly, WV) - Good thing the town ain't named Big Ass.
  • Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case- And I thought an 8 x 12 foot cell was small.
  • Include your Children When Baking Cookies- Children add texture to the cookies.
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant- That's one way to save on court costs.
  • Lack of brains hinders research - Must be the same dumbasses who believe in global warming.
  • Miners Refuse to Work After Death - That's a very effective retirement plan.
  • Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped - And from what I understand, she likes it too.
There ya go. Those are just a few of the headlines from bird cage liners from all around the country. You can now understand why print newspapers are going out of business faster than shit through a goose. That leaves us with only one thing to say.

Dumbasses.

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