Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Java Jugs: Have a Coffee and a Lapdance : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, September 9, 2011

Java Jugs: Have a Coffee and a Lapdance

Cofeee? Tea? Lapdance?
This country has gone to hell in a hand basket. The economy sucks, unemployment is over 9% and now the cops of Edmonds, Washington are busting baristas for flashing their boobs at customers. This is an outrage! It is every American woman's God-given right to show her hammers to anyone at any time she wants to. It's gotta be in the Constitution somewhere. Maybe the commerce clause? I have been a fan of knockers for a long time, so this hits me especially hard. I drink coffee on occasion, but I look at tatas every day of my life and have done so for over 50 years. I am not giving up leering at boobs for anybody or any reason!

Here's the deal: The women in question work for a Starbuck's-like place called Java Jugs in Edmonds. Irony anyone? Anyway, these broads have been serving more than double latte chocolate mocha espresso supreme with extra sugar and cream. Some customers buy "coffee" for as much as $20. In return they get a lap dance and a good look at some titties. For some odd reason the Police in Edmonds fail to see the benefits of such a "sale". Did I mention that Java Jugs has a stripper pole inside the shop? Yup. A stripper pole. What good is a stripper pole going unused, just standing there waiting, nay, pleading, for some skank to git nekkid and reveal her assets to paying customers? None, I say!

Think about it. You stop at Dunkin Donuts and pay $5 for a cup of coffee and drive away with nothing but a $5 cup of coffee. Guys who stop at java Jugs come away with much more than just a lousy cup of coffee, they drive away with, er, um, inspiration. And memories of a well-formed set of sweater puppies. And the cops get all in a huff about it. Where's there sense of live and let live? What do the Police have against boobies? I mean hell.

The Boob Squad of the Edmonds PD found out about this little enterprise and promptly sent over an undercover guy who witnessed what was going on for himself. He even got a lapdance or two or ten (one can never be too hasty when evaluating such a delicate case). After much evidence gathering, the cops wrote out a lot of citations to the sluts ladies working at Java Jugs and the owner of the erstwhile strip joint said that she would be nice and follow the laws as written. No more bare breasts at Java Jugs. sad, isn't it?

By the way, the police will be keeping an eye peeled for more flashing of the racks at JJ"s. The lawmen also vow to keep doing "undercover" work to keep Java Jugs in compliance. I'll bet. <snort>


UPDATE: From Beef Blogonoff in the comments.:
"As for the constitution I believe it's ...they are (well) endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights...(especially)the pursuit of (my)happiness." bwahahahahahahaha!!!


  1. They need to shake them boobies to make foam for your latte. As for the constitution I believe it's
    ...they are (well) endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights...(especially)the pursuit of (my)happiness. What better way to wake up then with a nice cup of coffee, and giant headlights beaming in your face. No wonder deers freeze.

  2. That's flat funny! Check out the Update.


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