Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Man Busted for Humping Plastic Raft : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, September 12, 2011

Man Busted for Humping Plastic Raft

Edwin, Lover of Rafts

If you have read even a single post on this blog, you know that there are some real weird people on Planet earth. I mean some real weird people. I call them dumbasses as you well know. However, once in a while a dumbass comes to my attention that goes beyond dumbassery into the world of mentally challenged. Take today's dumbass for example.

There's a guy named Edwin Charles Tobergta who was recently busted for one of the most sickening and strange things I have ever heard of. His crime? Indecent exposure. But good ole Edwin was not committing just any form of showing his tallywhacker in public. He was caught performing a sex act on a, get this, "pink swimming pool accessory". It turns out that the "pink swimming accessory" was an inflatable raft. How a grown man has sexual activity with an inflatable swimming raft is beyond me, but Edwin was going hard and heavy at it. Thank God the story from UPI doesn't go into further detail. However, with the information provided we can deduct that Edwin is a bona fide dumbass. And a pervert. At first, Edwin tried to flee the cops but it's probably not easy to make a clean getaway with your ding dong stuck in a plastic raft. Even if Edwin had made his escape, it would be equally difficult to explain to others why your manhood is stuck in a "pink swimming accessory".

At this point I have some questions. Where in a swimming raft would Edwin put his pee pee in order to perform a sexual act? Second, does that mean that Edwin has a pencil dick? You get the picture. You also get nauseous just thinking about it. In the name of decency (of which this blog has none, even if we knew what it meant), I will not further elucidate.

What will be Edwin's next sexual conquest? Rubber duckies? Malibu Slut Barbie? Spaghetti-Os? I shall be vigilant in keeping up with this story by occasionally reading the online version of the Hamilton Journal News. I would hate to see Edwin made fun of or be assaulted, but that's Hamilton, Ohio for those you who would like to heap ridicule, scorn and brass knuckles upon Edwin Charles Tobergta.

On the other hand, Edwin's friends and family know exactly what to get him for Christmas.

Dumbass.

1 comment:

  1. This inbreeder was probably watching "Deliverance" and got excited over the scene with Ned Beatty. Since he couldn't get him, he screwed the next best thing. The raft. Hee Haw!

    ReplyDelete

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