Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Mistresses Get Better Christmas Loot Than Wives! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Mistresses Get Better Christmas Loot Than Wives!

One of "They"?
We are at that time of year where kids are happily awaiting the Fat Dumbass, the Fat Dumbass is busy getting things ready for the kids and parents are drinking heavily because of the kids. I don't drink anymore, so I'll start huffing spray paint (I hear it's loads of fun, filled with lots of near-death experiences!), but that's, as they say, a story for another day. By the way, has anybody ever figured out who "they" is? You hear it all the time in sentences like this:"at the DMV this morning, they told me..." Is "they some schlub who works at the DMV or is ""they" some super secret guy who controls all the license plates in that particular state? You know the I'm talking about, the one who won't let plates for your car that say stuff like, "Fukk Yew". Or"Obama Sucks". The dude has no fucking sense of humor, the dumbass.

Here's another example of "who the hell is"they"?" This one happens every single day all across The Fruited Plain: "They" say we're in for hot one today". Who's "they" in this case? That stoopid groundhog in Pennsylvania? Is "they" some pasty looking dip shit wearing a tie so ugly it'd make a freight train take a dirt road? You know him as the local weather guy. This guy can't even get laid and we expect him to predict the weather? It. Ain't. Happenin'.

More "Theys" 

The "Theys" in this case are sluts. Whores. Ho's. Hookers.I wrote this post a year ago this week because believe or not, it actually has something to do with Christmas!

Here's an excerpt: Naughty Words Alert!  The Internet is a wonderful thing, most of the time. With a few keystrokes, you can look up medical advice, get directions to just about anywhere, read brilliant commentary like you do on this very site (OK, not so much) and set up an extramarital rendezvous. I. Kid.You. Not. You can even find someone to cheat on your spouse with! I am not talking about finding someone in a chat room or party site, I am talking about a site whose sole purpose is specifically to line you up with a paramour! If you think I'm kidding, click here to read the whole thing. It's short and sweet.

Now We Know - Kind Of 

We found who of one group of "theys" is, but we still have much work to do to find out who the others are before they usher in Armageddon. Which means: "good luck with that, Bub." Well, I hafta split. I have a Doctor's appointment to get to in a little while. Because "they" told me I gotta to go.


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