Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbassery at a High Level - Except in Green Bay & The Big Easy : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Dumbassery at a High Level - Except in Green Bay & The Big Easy

Not Anymore. Dammit.
The week that we are ending today has been a memorable one.

It all started for me during the National Football League Playoffs last Sunday. Needless to say, from my perspective, starting about 4PM EST, things sucked from that moment on. A little while after four, the Divisional Playoff game between the San Francisco Ballerinas and Nawlins Saints. The Pansies won and the Coon Asses headed back to the Big Easy. Dammit. Things did not get any better from there for me.

My favorite NFL team of over 50 years, the Green Bay Packers, were next to make me wanna barf when they lost to the New York Mannings. In Green Bay no less! What.The.Hell. I remain in shock. How could the defending Super Bowl Champs lose to a team that squeaked into the playoffs beat creaming the Dallas Rhinestone Cowboys in the last game of the regular season! I mean for Vince Lombardi's sake, the Pack was 15 - 1 during the regular season and the Mannings finished at 9 - 7 by virtue of their win over Dallas. That's SIX game spread! In lieu of this upset, I am still boycotting all cheese from Wisconsin. Until I make a double decker Toby Burger later today, protest be damned!

To top off the whole disastrous week, my wife and/or one or both of my little girls have been sick all week. Actually this is about the third week that Heather and Issy have been on again off again ill. Heather and Issy Woo Woo are still under the weather. Whatever it is that's kickin' their asses will not go the hell away! Now I wear the "I'm Next to Contract the Super Crud" bull's eye on my back. Oh, the joy! Dammit. Again.

Even though this week sucked swamp donkey gazebos for my family and me (and my beloved Packers), the dumbassery we displayed in our posts was at a very high level, with each day presenting a tough act to follow for the next day's story. It wasn't easy, but through hard work, determination and cheating, we did it.
  • On Monday, we paid tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Also on Monday, I had a dream! A dream of eliminating terrorists in a most unusual way. Penis cancer!
  • I have posted several stories about dwarf tossing on Dumbass News, but the one we had up on Tuesday had a bit of a twist to it. Ambush Dwarf Tossing!
  • Some weenie at a fitness club in Cal-ee-forn-ya was mortified, mortified, I tell you at posters in the club that featured young, pretty fit women in minimal clothing. BTW...his name is "Twinkletoes", IYKWIMAITYD.
That's an All Pro lineup of Dumbassery if I've ever seen one. Of course I said the same thing about the Green Bay Packers and the Nawlins Saints last Sunday and look how that worked out. Both teams got their asses handed to them by inferior teams. On any given Sunday, I suppose. Dammit.

Dumbasses.

6 comments:

  1. LOL Toby... that game really was an epic failure of biblical proportions, wasn't it? Just how bad was it? Let's just say that Packer fans here never have a lack of things to talk about when it comes to their team. After that loss it was like flipping a light switch... just dead silence.

    Going 15-1, earning the #1 seed in the NFC, having home field advantage throughout the playoffs, a chance to repeat in the SB... what more motivation does a team need to play? Instead all we got was one big toilet flush.

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  2. Kev...This game was like getting a date with Jessica Alba and showing up stumbling drunk. If a date with Jessica doesn't motivate you, what in God's name will? I still love my Packers, but this one hurt.

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  3. I've been waiting for the hammer to drop on GB all year. Their defense sucked... they could never get it in gear. They had no running game to speak of. The only thing that carried them to an amazing 15-1 regular season record was Rodger's arm and the receivers he threw to.

    This playoff game went just like the game they lost to KC. Offense, defense and coaching just went right down the crapper. I was really afraid that was going to happen and it did.

    GB always had a knack of embarrassing themselves and their fans on big nationally televised games like this... and when they play ball like that, even the team from St Norbert's School for Wayward Girls could beat them.

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  4. You just hit the nail on the head. I was a bit "concerned" too. All the sports guy pussies were crowning the Pack as Champs before the playoffs even started1 If there's a surefire curse for any team, this is the one.

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  5. What's even more amazing is that not once all year did the players and coaches get cocky about the success they were having. They always came off humble, didn't bite on the media hype and stayed focused on winning one week at a time.

    If I'm pissed at anyone it would have to be at Dom Capers (their defensive coordinator) for his season long inabilty to get his guys focusing on the basics like tackling as well as his inability to adjust his defensive schemes to counter what the opponent's offense was throwing at them. You can't continue to play loose zone defensive schemes that allow 10+ yds per pass. The field is only 100 yds long... eventually a team is going to reach the endzone and score against a pass defense like that.

    I don't know what was happening here. This is basically last year's intact SB team. Why they fell apart like this is beyond me to figure out.

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  6. Capers, Dom, see: Texans, Houston. 'Nuff said.

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