Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: A Female Dumbass With a WiFi Fetish : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, January 20, 2012

A Female Dumbass With a WiFi Fetish

To: Alexandra Janelli, A Dumbass Amongst Dumbasses
It's a rare occasion that I salute another blogger as I sit high atop the throne of the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde. By "throne" of course I mean the toilet. I do my best thinking in the john, so leave me alone about it. OK? I must say, however, that totin' this desktop computer upstairs is a bitch. I shall not further edify you with the details. You're welcome.

The Salute

This blogger chick in Evanston, Illinois has become quite successful writing about something even more stoopid than Dumbass News. Well, maybe not more stoopid, but her niche is pretty damn unique and fairly stoopid. Stoopid in a good way. And by "good way" I mean this young lady is frakkin' famous.

This young lady, Alexandra Janelli, is not only an internet star, but she has been featured in major newspapers around the country, including the New York Times and the Chicago Tribune. That ain't exactly the HootervilleValley Guardian. Exactly what does this chick do that garners so much attention? She's a Dumbass. Like me. Alex (may I call you Alex?) Alex blogs about Dumbasses. Like me. Instead of writing about the stoopid shit that dumbasses do, she writes about the dumb as dirt names computer users give their wireless networks. Those folks are her dumbasses. Alex has gained fame and fortune, unlike me, doing something so simple that not another SOB in the world thought of it. Ms. Janelli has followed one of the oldest theories in the history of Mankind and ridden it to success. That theory? The K.I.S.S. Theory. Keep It Simple Stoopid. Abso-fucking-lutely brilliant! 

I am going to list a few of the weird handles that dumbasses from, well, all over the place have pinned on their home networks.
  • Tacos and Beer - Now who the hell could argue with that? Having consumed massive quantities of both tacos and beer, I certainly can't. I give it two Coronas up. 
  • Cat Litter Casserole - I guess it's better than Possum Belly Stroganoff. Unless you live in Kentucky. But I digress.
  • centaurporn - Who (or what) co-stars in a Centaur porn flick? Seabiscuit or Jenna Jameson? Inquiring dumbass minds wanna know. This group of dumbasses would need a Fearless Leader of their own. The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Herd. I'm just sayin'.
  • rubbingmyrocketraw - While watching centaurporn, no doubt.
  • spickandhick - Beaner meets hillbilly.
  • Local Hooker ;) - A true Dumbass WiFi nickname. 
  • ur mom is pregnant - I was out of town that week.
Those are just a few of the (at least) hundreds of outstanding WTFWiFi names that Alexandra has come across in her "research". Alex, I bow before you. You have achieved a level of Dumbassery that is reserved for the Few. The Proud. The Dumbass. I am duly impressed. So moved that, as the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde, I hereby bestow upon you the unrivaled Honor of Dumbass Emeritus.

God bless you, Alexandra Janelli. You are spreading Dumbassery like a select few can.

I tip my Dumbass Derby (OK it's really a "Dumbasses Need Love Too" baseball cap) to you.

Dumbass. Emeritus.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Toby,

    This is the best review of my site yet! Truly its freaking turdtastic! You may absolutely call me alex. I must admit that I am purely shittled pink with such a dumbass (in a good way) review! I am honored of my certificate of dumbassery! I accept it with great pride!

    Much thanks!


    Alexandra Janelli


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