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That's just a part of life here in New England. That and hoping that the Snow Plow Guy got "some" before the blizzard hit. I'm just sayin'.
NY Neighborhood Wants a Parking Ban
There's a New York City neighborhood along West 30th Street between 7th and 8th Avenues in Midtown in which residents of the area are begging for a parking ban. Not because of snow and plowing, however. The situation involves "gettin' some", but sadly not for the NYC Snow Plow Guy. The ones "gettin' some" are patrons of two neighborhood night clubs.
You see, on the weekends, people are going to these gin joints looking to get drunk and laid. No biggie, right? Wrong. They are getting intoxicated and porked but that's not the problem. The problem lies in the fact that these inebriated Dumbasses are getting laid in the back seats of their cars. Which are parked up and down the streets of the neighborhood!
I can see where the residents of this Midtown 'hood might take exception with such activity. Not that people are humping each other like rabbits on aphrodisiacs, but the fact that these drunk asswipes are turning the area into a peep show for the locals. And the locals do not all this public fornication going on right in the streets where they live. If the people who live here want to see unbridled Mad Monkey Sex up close, they'll do what any other red blooded New Yorker would do - spy on their neighbors as they make whoopie. These folks have scruples ya know.
My understanding is that type of behavior takes place on the weekends, so knowing when to confront the problem is already known. The challenge is to come up with something that will discourage Drunk Hineys Bobbing Up and Down in Back Seats as it happens. To me, this is a lemon - lemonade kind of thing. I choose to make lemonade.
Here's how.
Lemonade
Take notes, I am gonna go through this one time and one time only.
It's simple, really. On weekend nights when the drunks are screwing in front of God and everybody, I suggest to the residents of the area that you make it as uncomfortable as possible for the Dumbass Fuckers to do what they do. This objective can be met in a number of ways.
Way No. 1 - If the Back Seat Boinkers have no problem having sex in public, make it very public!
Draw a crowd. A noisy crowd. With video cams. And YouTube accounts. I could be wrong, but I am of the mind that if any of these idiots were to know that they would be seen playing "Back Seat Bingo" on the internet, then one of two things would happen.
- First Thing: The offending couple would be embarrassed as hell knowing that their little foray into curbside porn would be seen by people all over the world. In this case, the thrill of thinking that you are the Ron Jeremy of Parallel Parking <snicker> would be gone faster than you could say "I'm ready for my close up, Mr. Spielberg."
- Second Thing: Nothing will make Willie the One Eyed Wonder Worm lose his "enthusiasm" like being observed by people, strangers no less, who will critique his every move like Michael Moore scrutinizes Twinkies. Very. Closely. With great attention to detail.
As for the dickweeds doing the dirty deed on neighborhood streets: Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
Dumbasses.
No wonder they're doing it in the backseat a room could cost 500 bucks a night. No hourly rate specials here except from the ho's.
ReplyDeleteYou are, of course, correct, Beef. A $100 blow job in a $500 room doesn't make good fiscal sense.
ReplyDelete