Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: The Newest Dumbass Laws in America! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Newest Dumbass Laws in America!

Any reasonable Dumbass would come to the conclusion that considering the clusterfuck known as the Obama Administration and some of the stoopid shit they've rammed through Congress (ObamaCare, anyone?), that the citizens of this fine country have had enough in the way of crappy laws to last them several lifetimes. I know I have.

This is not the case. however, in many states throughout the Land. July 1 ushered in all kinds of stoopid-idity in places as diverse as Utah and Cal-ee-forn-ya.

Yes, friends, Teh Stoopid rolls on unabated.

Civic-minded Fearless Leader that I am, I have put to use my World Renown Google Fu and have come up with some dandy new laws that went into effect on the first day of this month. When you read about this insanity, you'll be glad that it wasn't you with mad Google skillz. As it is, for me at least, a well placed grappling hook up my ass would be much less painful than what I put myself through discovering these new edicts from our Elected Dumbasses. Let it never be said that I ain't a Fearless Leader who is unwilling to take one for the team.

You can thank me by hitting the PayPal button and throwin' a little cheese my way. It's OK to do that. Really. Nothing soothes the excruciating pain of said grappling hook up said ass like a little cash flow.

Here We Go

You'd expect a place like Cal-ee-forn-ya to come up with some dumb shit when it comes to making new laws. That's just what they do out there. All I can figure is that it must be in the water. Or it's that putrid smell emanating from Sacramento that makes the people weird.

The Golden State, along with neighboring Oregon, has made it illegal to sell, trade or distribute shark fins. I understand the reasoning behind this new law, but will it really do anything to curtail the use of shark fins for soups and other stuff? I have a gut feeling that the large Asian population in Cal-ee-forn-ya will "overlook" this new mandate. Sharks fins have been used for thousands of years in Asian stuff like shark fin soup and dry cleaning detergents. OK, I made the dry cleaning soap thing up. I just wanted to see how many people of the Asian Persuasion I could get pissed off.

Also in The Land of Fruits and Nuts, you now have to have a prescription for formerly over the counter medications containing dextromethorphan. That means adios to OTC cough syrups, Nyquil and Dimetapp. The reason behind this new law? Too many Cal-ee-forn-yans are using OTC cough medicine as recreational drugs! Lemme get this straight. In many cities in Cali you can go into a place and buy a "medicinal" blunt, but you now have to have a script from your physician to get Robitussin? That makes perfect sense. <wink>

One other thing that the Commies in Cal-ee-forn-ya put on the books is a law that mandates that public schools teach Homo History. Now, I'm not sure if that means teaching about famous homos in history, like Alexander the Prissy Great or Rock Hudson or does it mean that homos have their own history that non-homos don't know about? I'm confused. And so are the homos, I think.

Moving Right Along...

The Nation's First State, Delaware, passed into law a deal that will allow civil unions or domestic partnerships while at the same time clarifying that marriage is between one man and one woman. say what? This seems to me to be akin to banning chocolate milk, but allowing the continued sale of milk and chocolate syrup separately. Why is it that everything dealing with homos is so damned vague?

In Utah, legislation became law essentially banning Happy Hour. In other words, bars can't have special drink prices for a specified time period during their hours of operation. And I thought the Elected Dicks in Cal-ee-forn-ya were Dumbasses. I am almost 100% certain that bar owners in Utah would never defy this "ban on Happy Hour" by having drink specials all day long! When we've lost Utah...

In Illinois, animal shelters and the like will now have to do a more thorough examination of animals when trying to locate an ID chip in the pets. This new due diligence involves, get. ready. for. this.- looking for collars and/or tags that may help ID the pet and its owners!

My personal favorite is the new law in New York State that makes it a crime to sell or possess bear gall bladders. The passage of this new law will however put in dent in y social life. I can't tell you the number of times in the past few weeks alone, that I have said to Mrs. Fearless Leader, "Honey, I sure would enjoy a road trip to New York State so we could enjoy some good old fashioned bear gall bladders." I suppose I'll have to get my bear gall bladders somewhere else now.

Like on the Internet.

From Cal-ee-forn-ya.



  1. In Kentucky every citizen is required by law to take a shower once a year, and that's why Willie Nelson had to move to Alabama.In Rhode Island you are not allowed to bite off any ones leg. That law was passed after police took a look in Jeffrey Dahmer's refrigerator. Hey Toby, just got back from Cali and fell behind on my daily adult requirement of dumbassery. Thanks for putting my picture on the milk carton.

    1. Welcome to Dumbassville, Beef-n-Bean! I have probably been banned in Cal-ee-forn-ya. I make fun of their homos too often.

  2. Bear Gall Bladders are considered to be good medicine by the same Asians that want their Shark Fins. Cah-lee-for-nee-ah already has a law against possession with out the proper documentation.

    Dextromethorphan is one of the primary ingredients in "Lean" or "Sizzurp", and was one of the substances abused by Trayvon Martin. Trayvon had all the makin's for some "fire-ass lean" when George Zimmerman punched his ticket.

    1. Well, I relieved to know that Trayvon wasn't breaking any prescription medication laws when he was offed. That could have gotten him in some serious trouble.


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