Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Attempted Murder w/ a Toilet Seat! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Attempted Murder w/ a Toilet Seat!

When I first saw this story I was so sick to my stomach that I nearly heaved. I mean I was thisclose || to projectile puking from here in Augusta, Maine all the way to Boston, 140 miles away. And since the Red Sox playing in Fenway Park tonight, I would have pissed off more than a few of the sellout crowd in attendance at tonight's game. Not that I care, but it still would have made somebody mad.

As I sit here writing this post on the Trashiba Laptop. I wonder just what the hell is it with the criminals in our society today? They are getting weirder and weirder by the minute, it seems.

Allow me to elucidate.

Upon Further Review...

Not only are Bad Guys still breaking into peoples' homes to steal shit, they are increasingly breaking into the homes of friends, neighbors and family members. I guess the Bad Guys are concerned that John Q. Public is probably armed with a Glock and will not hesitate to send the crook to his Maker. Therefore, the criminals are knocking over homes that they know are occupied by unarmed people, easy marks they. I have no facts to back up that assertion, it's just a not so educated guess. But I am prolly not too far off the mark here.

Another thing that made me want to vomit is the fact that criminals are growing more stoopid by the minute. In other words, we are getting a lower class of crook these days. What kind of civil society can properly exist when the dregs of said society are becoming so inept? That says a lot about all of us as Americans. Bad Crooks = Watered Down Citizens, or as I prefer to call such people, L:iberals. If this is the case, our country is doomed.

Nostalgic for Professional Bad Guys

I am forlorn at the thought that the perps of today have absolutely nothing on the crooks of yesteryear. It used to be that a guy jimmied his way into a home, stealthily went about his business and if he was interrupted by the home owner, he (the Bad Guy) would brandish a weapon, point it at the Good Guy and it was understood that gags, blindfolds and hog tying would be the order of the day. The burglar would leave with his ill-gotten gains and the home owner would wiggle his way free of his bonds and call the cops.

Deadly Weapon
Nowadays, the Bad Guys do real stoopid shit when they beak into a house - like take a bath! For real. There's this one dumbass who broke into his neighbor's house and damn near beat the neighbor to death. With. A. Toilet. Seat! And a guitar! What. The. Fuck? A toilet seat? Really? Wasn't a plunger handy? Or a loofa sponge? What a pussy. A Liberal, no doubt.

An Investment in the Future

I say we get a bunch of Old Crooks from the State Home for the Criminally Insane and Really Cool Old Crooks together and teach to day's thugs about how to properly go about committing a crime. Any crime, except murder or rape. Educate the Young Scum of today about how to carry out a burglary with dignity and professionalism - and no fucking toilet seats! Instruct them in the preferred way of conning some poor Granny out of her pension or how to rob a bank with class.

7th Hole, Statesville Correctional Facility
To accomplish this notable and noteworthy goal, I say we divert some tax dollars from the Department of Education to the Democrat Party! Not only would the Young Felons of America have a steady income, but upon being caught would be sent to the best Country Clubs Federal Prisons in the nation! The Democraps would be rewarded with the recidivist career criminal vote and thus maintain a firm grip on the power they so deperately crave! It's a win-win situation! Just think, these Liberals would be around for generations to come exhorting every effort known to man trying to figure out a way to control every aspect of the lives of all American Citizens and Illegal Meskins, too! Kind of like they are doing as  we speak! Yay!

That is unless the Young Scum and Future Liberals happen to break in a Granny who is packing heat. Then all bets are off and we just send these cretins to the morgue.

I feel better already! I knew if I kept writing It would cheer me up. And it did!

No toilet seat needed.


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