Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Happie the Skateboarding Nigerian Dwarf Goat & Her Dumbass : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, August 10, 2012

Happie the Skateboarding Nigerian Dwarf Goat & Her Dumbass

Folks are amused by the strangest things and it is from these strange things that greatness sometimes manifests itself.

Take skateboarding goats for instance.

Happie
Happie & "Happy"

Happie is a 3 year old Nigerian Dwarf Goat. Not to be confused with the Gigantic Nigerian Internet Scam Goat, Abdul. While not a scam or ripoff, Happie is nonetheless just as unbelievable as any internet scheme out there only she's the real deal.

The Guiness Book of World Records says so.

Happie earned her distinction as a world record holder as a skateboarder. Yes, Dumbasses, a skateboarder. Happie was recently certified as the World Champ Goat Skateboarder by riding the surf board on wheels for about 25 seconds and 118 feet. This is no small accomplishment. I can't get either one of my little girls to stay on the sidewalk for 25 seconds and 118 feet. And they ain't on a skateboard and they ain't goats either, hard headedness not withstanding.

While I heartily salute Happie and her amazing display of athleticism, it is her owner who should be in the headlines. Or an asylum.

I vote for "asylum".

The Owner

Happie's owner is 18 year old Melody Cooke and that is exactly what would happen to Happie if she were caught skateboarding in East Dallas - she would be cooked. The resident Meskins in East Big D call it cabrito. Or lunch. Whichever.

Anyway, the goat can be supper for all I care, it is the mental well-being of her owner, Melody that concerns me. I think she has some deep-seeded "issues". And by "issues", I of course mean that Melody ain't right in the head. While keeping a goat as a pet is a little odd, unless you are a Meskin in East Dallas, it is not a sign of any mental illness. Teaching a goat to ride a skateboard is a whole other matter. however. This could indicate that a person, in this case Melody, is a little "touched", to put it politely. To put it not so politely, she's fucked up.

Melody is a cute girl and other than the fact that she's screwy, is probably like many other 18 year old who do stoopid shit like teach goats to ride a skateboard. Actually, I am just being nice here, Melody is Looney Tunes. people, let's face it. How else could you explain an attractive young lady schooling a Nigerian Dwarf Goat in hanging four?

Help

It is incumbent upon me as a Fearless Leader and lover of cabrito to offer to help Melody out of this rut she's in and get into a more "normal" rut for an 18 year old. A rut like smoking weed and getting knocked up, then teaching Happie to ride the skateboard! Now that's normal for today's young adults.

My solution to this horrible situation is to start a fund to get Melody the mental health help that she needs and set her off on a more acceptable path. I mean, teaching goats to skateboard and not smoking weed while doing so is no way for a young lady to go through life. We gotta Melody lit. She needs some doobage in the worst way before it's too late.

I thus am sending out a plea to any pot dealers in Southwest Florida to please make a charitable donation of an O-Z or two to Melody. And the goat for that matter. A stoned goat will keep a yard looking like a Country Club golf course that the Meskins of East Dallas had been caring for, while eyeing the prize that is Happie.

Hopefully Melody will get wasted and see the light as far as getting her life on track and stop teaching goats to do kids' stuff and teach the Meskins of East Dallas to ride a skateboard. Then, together, Melody and the Meskins can break bread together and have a little cabrito.

A true "Happie" ending.

Dumbass.

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