Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Porn Stars at the Prom! Almost. : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, September 24, 2012

Porn Stars at the Prom! Almost.

Evil
Best of Dumbass News
 
The Senior Prom. Although mine was several light years ago, I can still see my date looking so beautiful in her blue dress and I looked like a damned fool wearing that fucking monkey suit. But the memories remain as vivid as they were almost forty years ago. Oh, what a night.

At some high schools around the country it's prom time as I type this. Young men are busily planning a special night for their dates - a nice supper, corsages, limos and condoms. That's an awful lot of cheese to cut just hoping to get laid. But such is the life of the young - and horny.

Getting a Date

The most difficult and nerve-wracking part of going to the prom is finding a chick that's desperate to go with a Dumbass. By the time the young Dumbass gets the balls to ask some girl to go, he's scraping the bottom of the barrel. All the lookers have been claimed by the football players. The only girls left for the Dumbasses are the girls who "have nice personalities". If the Dumbass is lucky, she'll have big hooters and have the fire down below, IYKWIMAITYD.

There are exceptions to this rule, of course. One kid in Oakdale, Minnesota came up with an absolutely outstanding solution to being a Dumbass stuck with a prom date with a "nice personality". He sent out Twitter messages to porn stars inviting them to be his prom date. And two of them accepted! Talk about a stroke (pun intended) of genius! And the power of Twitter! Damn, this kid, Mike Stone, is smooooooth. Not only are his dates ready for action, he won't even have to take them to supper. Just think how much money the lad is saving. And it's a cinch that he'll "get some." From a porn star no less!

Mike Stone is my hero.

Not So Fast

Dream Crusher***
Naturally, like every fairy tale story, there's a wicked witch in this one too. Her name is Patty "Dream Crusher" Phillips. Dream Crusher is the Head Honcho at the Oakdale School District. She has thrown a monkey wrench the size of The Twin Cities into the works and it doesn't look good for Mike.

Dream Crusher says that any guest at the prom that isn't a student of the school district will have to be approved by school district officials, so the porn stars (and Mike Stone) are left out in the cold.

I don't get it. Just because some chick makes an honest living by having sex with dozens of men and has the unmitigated gall to film it and sell it to willing adults, suddenly she's not worthy of attending a High School prom. What. The. Fuck. Do those same rules apply to cheerleaders? Or the school slut? I mean, c'mon, Crusher!

What I Think

If only students can attend the prom, then I have a solution to Mike's problem. My guess, and it's only speculation on my part, is that these porn stars don't have high school diplomas. I think they should get them ASAP. So, enroll them in the Oakdale School District! Instant student hood! The two professional sluts can now go to the prom with Mike! Let's see Dream Crusher Phillips get past that! 

This is why I am your Fearless Leader. I see a problem and attack it like a pit bull after a T-bone. I am relentless in pursuing a solution to the travails facing a fellow Dumbass. Especially an up and coming Young Dumbass like Mike Stone.

If this plan doesn't work, then I suggest that Mike piss in the punch and let the drinker beware.

It makes me proud and brings a tear to my eye to call a fine young man, Mike Stone, a...

...Dumbass. <sniffle>

***Thanks to Bones for finding the photo!***

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