Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Gets Awakened, Assaults Neighbor : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Dumbass Gets Awakened, Assaults Neighbor

What are you like when you wake up? Or better yet, what are you like when you get woke up?


If I am allowed to sleep until I am ready (or need to) get up, I am generally not too hard to get along with. But wake me up, especially for something that I think is silly, and look out! I am a 5'4", 140 pound grizzly bear. Well, I would be if grizzly bears were 5'4", 140.

My point is that some of us wake up and hit the floor running with a smile on our faces, while others of us ain't so pleasant to be around upon awakening.

Our Dumbass of the Day fits into the latter category.

Sawin' Logs...ZZZZZZZZZZ

Justin Michael Byars got arrested for waking up in a lousy mood the other day. Really. He did.

Justin was sleeping when a neighbor came by and knocked on his door, thus waking him up. Justin was not amused. Later that day Justin, after stewing over the situation for a while, went to the neighbor's house, barge him, beat him up and threw him into an aquarium!

While this is a highly effective method of kicking somebody's ass, it is not recommended as a means of getting even just because you got woke up from your beauty sleep. The Newport News, VA PD agrees with me.

Justin got himself thrown in the slammer over the attack.

E.R. Visit

I have never been assaulted and slammed into an aquarium before, but I am fairly certain that there are much better things to be hurled into. Like a mattress, for example.

The victim of Justin's tirade, whose name has not been released, was taken to the emergency room by another friend and he (the victim) received a shit load of stitches for his injuries and then notified The Fuzz.

The guy was lucky that he wasn't more seriously injured.

Wake Me Up Gently

I'm not saying that I would toss someone into an aquarium for waking me up in a manner that I found annoying, but I would not be above shoving an alarm clock up their ass. Waaayyy up their ass. That's just how I roll.

Moral to the Story: Wake 'em up gently. Aquariums are expensive, not to mention sharp as a knife when shattered to smithereens, and alarm clocks are not easily passed through one's anal cavity. At least not when coming back out.

I'm just sayin'.


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