Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: No Late Night Internet for Teen, Drugs Milk Shakes for Mom & Dad : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, January 10, 2013

No Late Night Internet for Teen, Drugs Milk Shakes for Mom & Dad

I am the father of four Little Dumbasses. Yes, I have polluted the gene pool with my progeny. I would say that procreating was a youthful indiscretion, but that would be untrue. And you know me, I am all about honesty - except when a good lie will save your ass. Anyway, I have four kids ranging in age from 5 to 33. The older kids (my sons) could be classified as the results of "youthful indiscretion". My two youngest? Not so much.

For the sake of this story, let's forget about my 30 and 33 year old sons. It's my two Little Girl Dumbasses (5 & 10 years old) that are kind of relevant to this story. I say kind of because they are too young right now to do what the girl in today's story did to her parents. This story does, however, serve as a warning and reminder that one day my two sweet little girls will be maniacal, revenge-minded, rebellious, fuck-you-Dad teenagers.

As for now I keep a pretty tight rein on my daughters. They don't always appreciate my fatherly protectiveness. But that's OK for now because I can still kick their asses if they go on a would-be patricidal rampage. In another few years, the shoe just might be on the other foot where they can kick my ass. Until then, my house, my rules. End. Of. Story.


A couple in Rocklin, Cal-ee-forn-ya are the parents of a 16 year old girl. They, like me, keep a close eye on their daughter's activities. One thing that the parents were very strict about was that the girl was not allowed on the internet after 10 PM. That sounds very reasonable...unless you are a 16 year old girl.

After much complaining and fit throwing about this restriction on internet use, the teenager hatched a plan so she could stay online past the appointed hour. She did what any kid her age would do under similar circumstances - she drugged her parents' milk shakes with prescription sleeping pills that she got from a 15 year old friend. I guess that's one way to skin a cat.


The parents took a couple of swigs off the milk shakes, noticed that they tasted odd and stopped drinking them. But it was too late. They had drunk enough of the milk shake mickies to knock them out for the night.

After the parents woke up from their unexpected nap, they took a drug test and then confronted their daughter about the situation. She confessed to the scheme, ratted out her friend and was arrested.

Notes to Self   
  1. Plan ahead for potential internet use insurrection.
  2. Be flexible with daughters' hours of internet use.
  3. Stay in good physical shape in case an ass kickin' is in order. Their asses, not mine.
  4. If not in good physical condition, keep Louisville Slugger handy.
  5. Order one of those "I've fallen and can't get up" emergency thingys.
  6. Under no circumstances accept milk shake from daughters.
  7. Fuck it. 


  1. Wait, I got one for ya!

    I don't have much respect for Liberal activists,but nobody deserves what happened to this guy.

    Is there such a thing as post natal birth control?

  2. Silver lining, of sorts - neither of them will be able to vote.

    Legally, at any rate.


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