Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Canine Plastic Surgery Eliminates Ugly Dogs! People Next! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, February 15, 2013

Canine Plastic Surgery Eliminates Ugly Dogs! People Next!

Sorry the blog looks a bit odd today, but Blogger is acting weird. I have tried numerous ways and many times to rectify the problem to no avail. I'll dig a little deeper this weekend in order to alleviate the bullshit.
Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde

I don't watch a helluva lot of TV. When I do partake of the evening's television broadcast entertainment, I tend to soak up the more cerebral fare. Like Duck Dynasty. Or Lizard Lick Towing. You know, the real heady stuff.

Mrs. Fearless Leader on the other hand is a wizard at watching the tube. Sometimes when she's watching TV, my attention is diverted by some I hear on the television. Recently as she was tuned in to some shit, I happened to notice the phrase "Westminster Dog Show" or something very similar. If you are not familiar with the Westminster Dog Show, it's like the Miss America pageant for dogs. You won't see Fido from the local animal shelter being paraded around during this competition. The canines in the WDS are worth thousands of dollars eachPure bred pooches with lineages that read like thoroughbred horses. Or the Kennedys. This thing is serious. fucking. bidness.

Which leads us to today's story.

Pretty Puppy

There's a dude in China who takes his dogs very seriously. He's a breeder of Tibetan Mastiffs. It is my understanding that Tibetan Mastiffs are very intelligent and equally as ferocious. TMs have also made the breeder, Mr. Yu, a very wealthy man.

Back to the Mr. Yu Seriousness Factor...Mr. Yu is of the thought that the better looking one of his dogs the more likely that potential customers will be to breed their Tibetan Mastiffs with his. This makes perfect sense.   
What sets Mr. Yu's Tibetan Mastiff Dog Humping Service and Bar & Grill apart from other bidnesses of similar ilk is the fact that Mr. Yu goes the extra mile in making his breeding animals more attractive to other China Guys looking to have their dogs knocked up by one of Mr.Y's animals. And does he do this? Doggy plastic surgery! You read that right, in order to make his dogs more appealing for doggy style activities, Mr. Yu puts 'em under the knife!

Dog Gone 

Mr Yu, told Chinese media he had hoped a 1,400 yuan (£140) session of plastic surgery would make the dog more attractive to other dog-owners looking for a breeding partner.

"If my dog looks better, female dog owners will pay a higher price when they want to mate their dog with mine,"

But the Tibetan Mastiff – a trophy dog among China's growing legion of nouveau riche – reportedly died on the operating table last November after suffering heart failure possibly linked to the anaesthetic.

What in the name of Rin Tin Tin is going on here?! 

No More Ugly People 

Mr. Yu has unwittingly come up with the Scientific Discovery of the Century! 

Do you not realize this amazing procedure will be the end of ugly people forever? Genetics be damned!

Think about it. Simple plastic surgery that makes ugly folks beautiful will result in a nation full of pretty people! To hell with all that DNA bullshit that until now was believed to have been responsible for children looking like their parents. Cosmetic surgery will eliminate ugly forever! We'll be a country full of Brad Pitts and Jessica Albas! No more Roseanne Barrs and Michael Moores!



***Thanks Stoo!***


  1. Looks aren't important; content is everything.
    Fortunately, you always knock it out of the park!

    1. You are too kind, Hook! However, as a fugly Dumbass, I look forward to looking like Brad Pitt. Or Brad Finkelstein. Either would e an improvement.

  2. The dumbass plaintiff is unhappy that his plot to defraud future customers was foiled when the dumbass defendant agreed to drug and cut open the dog? Case dismissed.

    And why would the dumbass defendant agree to do such a dumbass thing?

    Charge them both with conspiracy to commit criminal dumbassery, says I.

    1. You are now the leading contender for the blog D.A. (Dumbass Attorney)Stoo, you are Da Man, my Brother!

  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


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