Physically speaking, I am a small man.Some dumbasses would say the
same about my mental capabilities and character too. The ones who carry
these ludicrous thoughts around with themselves are either 1) Liberals
or 2) Those who wish to dethrone me as The Fearless Leader of the
Dumbass Horde. Let me tell you sons of motherless goats in Group 2 that
it ain't gonna happen. As far as Liberals go, I ain't skeered of a bunch
of pussies who want to turn the USA into Fwance. What a perfect match.
The Fwench wouldn't fight to save their own mothers and Liberals won't work to save their own mothers. I told you the Libs were pussies, and we already knew as much a bout the people of the Flag of Surrender. Knowing that, I'm pretty sure that my reign as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde is safe. But I digress....
No Fearless Leader Tossing
As I said up there^^^^^, physically I am not what you'd call a candidate to play Middle Linebacker for
the Green Bay Packers. I am about a foot too short and at least a
hundred pounds too light. As unimposing as I am, there are smaller men
in the world than me who are imposing only in the movies and the WWE.
Where I come from we call them "midgets". They prefer to be called
"Little People". Forget that noise. My two youngest children (ages 4
& 9) are "little people". A fully grown human bean that got the raw
end of the "Verticality Stick" is a friggin' midget! End.Of.Story. Besides, nobody in his right Dumbass Mind would dare
to try to do some Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde tossing. Midgets
on the other hand are thrown around, willingly in the great majority of
cases, like a drunk hooker at a bachelor party. I'm just sayin'.
Drunk Guy Shot Puts Midget, Much to Midget's Dismay
The Telegraph reports that "A dwarf claims he was partially paralyzed on his birthday when a stranger lifted and heaved him onto the hard ground outside an English pub." Did I mention that there was a dwarf tossing event at the pub in question when this incident occurred? It's not stated in the Telegraph article
whether the midget victim, Martin Henderson, was participant in the
"Mad Midget Weekender" as the show was called, nonetheless Martin was
tossed like a salad at a Weight Watchers meeting. The tosser was a
drunk bloke who Martin claims was encouraged by a drunk rugby team into
giving Martin the Midget the ol' heave ho. While I certainly sympathize
with Martin regarding his injuries, that's where my concerns for Martin
come to an abrupt halt.
Martin Is a Dumbass
While no midget deserves to be blindsided and flung around for the sheer enjoyment of some inebriated
asshole...oh, wait! That's what dwarf tossing is all about! Watching
teensy weensy full grown men getting pitched all over the pub to the bemusement of the likkered up assholes in said pub. What the hell was to be expected of a shit load of Brits drinking warm beer, for God's sake? These are the same people who drink hot tea also! Haven't these dumbasses ever heard of ice? No wonder the UK is going to Hell in a hand basket. Warm beer indeed.
Let me go through this ordeal step by step: 1) There is a "Mad Midget Weekender" 2) At a British pub 3) That serves warm beer 4)
With a lorry load (<------a little Brit lingo there) of drunk
dumbasses in attendance. I can't see any potential problems with that
set of circumstances, could you? Evidently Martin the Teensy Weensy Full
Grown Man didn't and look what happened to him.
Giving the Runt Credit
I won't list them, but suffice it to say that Martin suffered some pretty serious injuries
as a result of being unexpectedly dwarf tossed by some plowed dickweed
and still has significant health issues from his experience. But is that
what has Martin so pissed off about this ordeal? Not from what I can tell.
The
reason that the Midget in Question is perturbed is because the
impairments from which he suffers have " derailed what he described as a promising acting career"
Acting career? In what, short subjects? A mini series? After reading
that, I am of the opinion that martin himself was a few pints along the
Drunk Highway on the night in question. Again, I digress.....
The
credit Martin is due is because all he wants out this horrible
happening is an apology from the rugby that supposedly egged on the
Surprise Dwarf Slammer into his commode-huggin' drunk actions. After
all, this could have rather easily a long drawn out court battle taking
God knows how long to determine the outcome of.
Way to
go, Martin Old Bean! Your sense of Justice is to be admired. However,
your sense of the common leaves a lot to be desired. Wrong place, wrong
time and all that sort of rot. (<-----more Brit lingo there). Have a
nice rodeo warm beer on me, mate. But seriously get the pub owners to
fucking ice down some of the ole Amber Current, will ya?
And a pip, pip cheery oh to you.
Dumbass.
Wait - you're saying that if I don't want to have my beard pulled, I probably shouldn't go to a beard pulling contest?
ReplyDeleteYes. Especially if you are a midget.
ReplyDeleteI call them midgets too, but ya' lost me at the liberal bashing...
ReplyDeleteMadge...Thank you for taking time to comment. RE: Lib Bashing. I need to say this for the many new readers to this blog. I will make fun of anybody, anytime with three exceptions: My Mom, the Pope and a man I greatly admire, Rev Billy Graham. Everybody else is fair game. Shorter: I am just having fun. Hell, I even make fun of myself! I really do appreciate you stopping by to visit and comment.
DeleteThanks again,
Toby