Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Wants a Cheeseburger, Orders It From 9-1-1! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Monday, March 4, 2013

Dumbass Wants a Cheeseburger, Orders It From 9-1-1!

Some people are just too stoopid.

They are breathing my air. And I don't like it. Not one bit. Dammit.

There's really not much we can do about this epidemic of stoopididity. I mean we can't just go around looking for the Terminally Stoopid and lock them up and throw away the key, can we? If we did that, there would be 60-something million fewer Democrat voters (hope and change!), but that would be wrong. And illegal. But mostly illegal. There is a solution to this dilemma, however. Ninety-nine per cent of the Terminally Stoopid are pro-choice, right? In that case, I choose to spay and/or neuter every damn last one of 'em! It will take a generation or so before they all keel over, but in the meantime they will be unable to reproduce, therefore virtually eliminating stoopididty.

I am willing to do this for the betterment of my Country and the future of my children and grand children.

That's just the kind of guy I am. And you can thank me later.

9-1-1 Burger
Nine. One. One.

We've done a few stories about Dumbasses and the emergency call number 9-1-1. One guy we wrote about called 9-1-1 to order a beer delivery! Another shit for brains went one further and dialed up the emergency call center and threatened to kick the cops' asses! Quick note: Mrs. Fearless Leader DVRed "American Idol" and is watching it as I type this. I may call 9-1-1 myself before I can finish this post! I hate that damn show!

Now back to your regularly scheduled Dumbassery...

Our story today is about a Hungry Dumbass. A really hungry Dumbass. This idjit got so hungry he did what any mentally deficient moron would do when they get a ad case of the munchies. He called 9-1-1 to order a cheeseburger!

Nine times! If at first you don't succeed....

52 year old Gregory Jackson, Sr. of New Castle, Indiana is the Dumbass In Question.

From WISH-TV comes this transcript:

Dispatcher: Do you have an emergency sir, because you dialed 911.
Jackson: I dialed 911.
Dispatcher: Yeah you dialed 911. ...
Dispatcher: OK, so why did you call 911 for, what do you need.
Dispatcher: Do you have an emergency?
Jackson: A cheeseburger.
Dispatcher: Have a good day.
Jackson then called back into the emergency phone line.
Dispatcher: 911, Your emergency.
Jackson: Yes, I just spoke with you. You hung up on me.
Dispatcher: Well I asked if you had an emergency. You said no, you needed a cheeseburger. So we don't take cheeseburger orders.
And still, Jackson calls back demanding a cheeseburger from the dispatcher.
Dispatcher: You know if you give me some information maybe we can try and help you out.
And finally, the dispatcher was on the phone with Jackson when the authorities arrived on the scene.
Dispatcher: You hear them knocking?
Jackson: Yes.

The cops did not come bearing cheeseburgers.

And Gregory is in a shit load of trouble.

At least where he's going he'll get three squares a day, though I am not sure if cheeseburgers are on the menu.



  1. This reminds me of the first post I ever wrote; the dipshit who called 9-1-1 because the coffee maker in his room wouldn't work!

    I feel your pain, buddy...


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