Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Lion Kills Woman Having Sex in African Bush! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, March 8, 2013

Lion Kills Woman Having Sex in African Bush!


99.99% of the time there is nothing funny about death. In the other .01% of deaths that have some sort of humorous element to it, only a very small percentage those are funny. Let me put it this way: in the .01% of deaths there is "funny" as in "that's horrible" but the unusual circumstances of a particular death may cause us to shake our heads in wonderment. For example, there's the story of the poor woman who was taking pictures of a moving train and was so wrapped up in her work that she didn't hear the train coming up from behind her! SPLAT!

Then there is "funny" as in "haha". The kind of death that falls into this category is a death like that of Hugo Chavez. I'm not playing God here, but if there was ever a human bean that "deserved" to die, it was this murderous, corrupt, Commie ass dictator. So when he bought the farm, millions of people in Venezuela and around the world rejoiced at the thought that El Presidente will now be tweeting from the Eternal Lake of Fire and taking it up the ass from Satan for eternity. Fuck. Him.

Today's story is one of an untimely death that falls into the "funny" as in "horrible" but the unusual circumstances of the death cause us to shake our heads in amazement.And it involves SEX.

Let me splain.

Goin' Out Humpin'  

Dying while doing the Dirty Deed is more common than you'd think. I have written about it on several occasions. One lady died while she and her husband were practicing the Dirty Harry Dirty Deed. For some unknown reason the coitusing couple used a hand gun as a sex toy. This bumoing of the uglies did not end well. Then there's the guy who was cheating on his wife with another couple when he vapor locked smack dab in the middle of the menage a trois.

As weird as these two stories are, they are nothing compared to what happened to a couple of lovers in Africa.

Sexual Predator
Bush in the Bush

A woman was mauled to death by a lion as she made love to her boyfriend in the Zimbabwe bush, it was reported today.
Sharai Mawera died yesterday after the beast pounced as she enjoyed a romantic al fresco moment with her unnamed partner.
The My Zimbabwe news website reported that the predator attacked the couple at a secluded spot in the bush near the northern town of Kariba.
Ms Mawera's boyfriend, who has not been identified, is believed to have jumped up and fled in the nude when the lion lunged forward.
A source told the newspaper the young woman died at the scene.
He said: "Unfortunately the woman was mauled to death by the lion, but her boyfriend managed to escape naked."
A friend of the couple told My Zimbabwe Ms Mawera had worked at the local market and that her partner was a fisherman.
The friend said: "He is a fisherman and he used to often meet at the same spot with his girlfriend, who is now deceased.
"The two were romping when the incident occurred. The lion came from behind and roared.
"The guy managed to escape before stopping at a distance where he witnessed his companion being attacked.
"He later rushed to the road seeking help."
My Zimbabwe reported that the terrified man managed to raise the alarm.
Local police and armed rangers from the Zimbabwe Parks and Wildlife Management Authority rushed to the scene.
The source said: "Cops and officers attended the scene and fired a single shot before getting to the spot.
"The woman had already been killed. She had bloody bruises all over her body. Her neck and tummy had been mauled."
Rangers launched a hunt for the lion following the tragedy, amid concern the same animal may have killed a local man who disappeared at the weekend.
The remains of the victim were found yesterday on the outskirts of the town, which lies near the Zambezi river.
Police believe the man, who has not been named, was mauled by a lion as he walked home from a nightclub.
Zimbabwe's state-controlled Herald newspaper reported that officers believed the fact the woman killed yesterday was mauled rather than eaten suggested the same lion could have been responsible for both attacks and not regained its appetite since devouring part of its first victim.
The newspaper added: "Residents of the town are now living in fear as the lions are still roaming freely as there are yet to be caught."

I got nothin'.


***Hat Tip Mirror.Co.UK***


  1. Three points to consider.
    1) Some women like to get eaten out.
    2) You can't outrun a lion, but you only have to outrun your girlfriend.
    3) Move out of the jungle into the city if you don't like lions.

    1. Of the options presented in Beef's comment, Number 2 is the most important.

  2. I almost don't want to laugh at this one.

  3. Situational awareness is important, as demonstrated by this very tangentially related photo:


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