Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Mile High City Homeless Guy Dumbassery! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Mile High City Homeless Guy Dumbassery!

Today on Dumbass News we have a rare treat for you. Hold on to your hats because today we have for your reading pleasure a Dumbass Daily Double! Yes, friends, today's post has twice the dumbassery as your regular Dumbass News post, with twice the hilarity! Since today is Thursday, this is doubly exciting! So grab that cup of coffee and brace yourself for all the bullshit fun, froth and frivolity of a Dumbass Daily Double!

Today's foray into the World of Dumbass takes place in the Mile High City of Denver, Colorado. A Dumbass who shall remain nameless (Terry Bannick) is a man without a home...other than his Ford truck, which is a lot better than other Homeless Dumbasses. Not that all homeless people are Dumbasses, but the homeless do have their share of Dumbasses just like the homed (?) population. But, I digress.
Homeless Dumbass Condo

So, Terry the Homeless Dumbass is asleep in the back of his truck, which has a camper shell on it by the way, or as it is known in the homeless community, a "condo", when all of the sudden he hears the motor of his truck come to life! Horror of horrors, another Dumbass was stealing Terry's condo truck! Terry had left the keys to his truck in the ignition! Anyway, Terry calls the cops on his cell phone to report the theft of his truck, but because he's in the camper shell part of the truck, he can't pinpoint his location so the local fuzz can help him out. Meanwhile Dumbass #2, the truck thief, was ignoring Terry as he (Terry) told him (Dumbass #2) that he was on the phone with the cops. Dumbass #2 is finally busted when the truck runs out of gas. Terry is saved and the homeless in Denver rejoice!

The truck thief was charged with auto theft and, as if you hadn't guessed by now, possession of marijuana. Who'd have thunk it? A thief busted doing something dumbass while in possession of a controlled substance. Terry was charged with being a Dumbass living in the camper shell on his truck and a homeless dipshit for possessing a cell phone. OK, I made up that part about Terry being charged with shit. Nonetheless, he is still a dipshit.

All's well that ends well, they say. Terry gets to keep his cell phone and his "condo", the stoned bad guy Dumbass is in the Denver County Crossbar Hilton and the homeless population of the Mile High City has a new Homeless Hero in Terry the Dumbass.

The End.

Dumbasses.

6 comments:

  1. Just say no to drugs - and dumbassery - kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One can kick a drug habit, but Dumbassery is forever.

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  2. Now having been semi-homeless (didn't have my own place but stayed with friends) I gotta' be a dick here... yes homeless guy has a phone and you forgot to mention he also has a car. Being homeless doesn't mean you are flat broke and jobless... you can work a menial job that pays only enough to pay $20 for a pre-paid cell phone (you need a phone so jobs you apply to can call you) and a couple dollars for gas to get to a job but just not the few hundred dollars it costs for rent each month. Not every homeless person is a jobless substance abuser. I still love you though. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have been homeless before also, but like Terry in the story, I had a car. Having said that, have you ever seen the homeless guys in Denver? I have. And it ain't a purdy sight.
      One time I was having lunch at a burger joint in Denver and a homeless guy came up to me and my boss and asked for money. We offered to buy him lunch instead of giving him cash. We even pointed out that the McDonalds about 3 blocks down the street was hiring. He left so fast that it looked like somebody put a rocket up his ass.
      Seriously (and NEVER tell a soul that I got serious for a minute) I know some people are homeless through no fault of there own, like I was. To this day, if I see, or am asked by a homeless guy, for a little help, I gladly fork over a few bucks. As long as there's not a likker store in sight. :)

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  3. Actually yes I have, I lived in Denver. So you are kind of contradicting yourself. You say you were homeless yet you weren't like the others, sooo would you like it if someone saw you and assumed you were like "all" the other homeless who just wanted money for booze or drugs? And you're secret is safe with me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think I made myself clear. I'm not lumping all homeless people into one drunk/druggie basket, I am just testifying to some of the things I saw SOME people do. Sorry if I came across holier than Thou. That was not my intention at all. I freely admit I have done more than my share of stupid shit, and it wouldn't surprise me if there's some blogger out there writing about my Dumbass Exploits from back in the day.

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