Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Tofu Love: Organic Dumbasses : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Tofu Love: Organic Dumbasses

The internet has had an amazing effects on today's society. Nowadays you can go online to pay bills, shop, do research, date and a thousand other things. I want to focus on the dating thing for today's post. As you may or may not know, I met my wife online.

Quick recap: we met in an AOL Chat Room , became friends, exchanged phone calls and one day about eighteen months later I showed up here in Maine, not really knowing what to expect, but we ended up getting married and having a baby together. I have now been here for over seven years and everything is great.

In spite of the fact that the internet has changed, or added to, the way things are done, the time-tested face to face meet and greet of the real world still is the way to go for most people. And one of the staples of finding a partner is till going strong. I am talking of meeting in a supermarket. Nothing says I love you like when two people reach for the same cumquat, touch hands and feel the sparks fly between them.

But some Dumbasses go to specialty grocery stores to meet and seek love over the tofu. Rainbow Foods of Minneapolis, Minny-sota is a trend setter when it comes to such encounters. Should we call these knot heads Organic Dumbasses? I dunno. A spokes-organic Dumbass for the grocery retailer explains, "Several people make the same types of food, and you can have a conversation that's not intimidating." Here's some more organic dumbassery for you, these co-op shoppers are likely to make connections because they "know that (others) share some values ... whether environmental or health or the treatment of animals."

All righty then.

Tofu or Not Tofu, That Is the Question

I can see it now. Two Organic Dumbasses are admiring the bean sprouts when one of them says, "Nice global warming we're having today".

Then the other Organic Dumbass responds, "Yes, it is. The Polar Ice Caps are melting at an alarming rate and soon sea levels will rise by 20 feet! How about you and I go for a latte sometime?" If I weren't busy heaving up breakfast, I'd find that type of meeting as Gaia-inspired.

The conversation continues, "I hope these bean sprouts are from free range beans. I could never forgive myself if they weren't."

The response, "Ooooh, baby, you really curdle my soy milk when you talk like that. Let's live in sin together!" An Organic Dumbass Romance is born.

Kiss My Organic Ass

I don't want to rag people because they share the same interests like global warming and a matter of fact, I DO want to rag on them because they are Organic Dumbasses! On top of that, they are generally a bunch of condescending assholes who think they are better than their Non-Organic Dumbass Friends. So Gaia damn them all!

And kiss my organic ass.

Organic dumbasses.


  1. I'm trying to like this...but I can't find the like button dammit! I guess that makes me Dumbass number 1 for the night! ah shit....

    1. Sadly, "Blogger" has no "Like" button. That you took time to comment is "Like" enough for me. Thanks!

  2. This must be how we got the song, "Muskrat Love"

  3. Good Gala. please tell the lookin'for lovers to get out of the grocery stores - They are cluttering up the place. Some of us have lives and just want to run in and get outa there...besides don't they know everything in that place has a firm shelf life? Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

  4. Funny, funny, funny, funny... hmm, yep, needs one more... funny!

    1. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! :)

  5. Rag on, buddy!


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