Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: 1000th Post! Dumbass Love at the 7-11! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

1000th Post! Dumbass Love at the 7-11!


1000 posts.

One. Thousand.

10 times 100.

The square root of one million.  

How the hell did this happen?

How It Happened

It was a dark and stormy night...

I just wanted to say that.

It's all very simple, really. Dumbass News has lasted this long for one basic reason: you are a Dumbass. I say that with love in my heart. And a sneer on my face.

Thank you.

And Now...Our Feature Presentation

Set the scene...

  • Dumbass goes to convenience store.
  • Dumbass meets girl at c-store.
  • Dumbass and girl become friends.
  • Dumbass asks girl on date.
  • Girl accepts Dumbass' invitation.
The Date

Nothing says "Long Term Romance" like a chance meeting at the neighborhood 7-11. To each his own, I guess. We are, after all, dealing with Dumbasses here.

Anyway, upon accepting the Dumbass' invitation to a scintillating evening of Quarter Pounders with Cheese, large fries and Diet Cokes, the couple agrees to meet up at the 7-11 where they first met. With her picking him up for the Big Night. (What did you expect?)

The Appointed Time for Love mercifully arrives.

 A Florida man says that a first dated ended with him being beaten, forced to strip at gun point, robbed and then left in a cow pasture.
A Flagler County Sheriff’s Office case report obtained by NBC News indicated that 34-year-old Shaun Paul Williams was found naked and bloodied on State Road 100 in Bunnell. Williams told deputies that he had met a woman named “Tree” about two weeks ago in Dayton and agreed to go out on June 14.
When the woman picked him up on Friday, he discovered that two other men we also inside the vehicle. The woman explained that one of the men was her brother. She said that she needed to drop the men off at the brother’s home.
But instead of going to a home, the brother instructed the woman to stop at an “empty cow pasture.” Williams said that he exited the vehicle to urinate and was struck in the head with a “hard metal object.”
“Give me all your money and your clothes,” one of the men told him.
“Are you serious?” Williams replied.
Williams opened his eyes to find a semiautomatic pistol pointed at his head. He handed over about $200 in cash, a gray tank top, black Dickie shorts and a pair of DC sneakers. The bandits also made off with his Straight Talk pre-paid cellular phone and Florida driver’s license.
Deputies took Williams to a hospital to be treated for lacerations to his head.
Williams, who works as a professional painter, told The Daytona Beach News-Journal, that he had a fractured cheekbone and cheek. He said that he risked losing his eye without surgery.
“I should have known better when I see two other individuals in the car,” Williams explained. “Basically, it was my stupidity… I should have realized there was something funny about it.”
Something funny about it indeed.
Dumbass.

6 comments:

  1. Congratulations on the 1000th post! Dumbasses unite!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Heather! I appreciate your support! And the fact that you are a Dumbass. :)

      Delete
  2. Seriously.. 1000 posts?
    That's a lot of dumbass brilliance!
    Well done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Robert! A post a day (mostly) for almost 3 years. It's been a hoot!

      Thanks for the comment and your continued support. I am very grateful for it.

      Delete
  3. Congratulations, Toby! Veddywelldone, I must say!

    ReplyDelete

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