Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Drunk Driving! On a Bull Dozer! Plus Bonus Big Dumbass News! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Dumbass Drunk Driving! On a Bull Dozer! Plus Bonus Big Dumbass News!

Bonus Dumbass News! I did a Guest Post! Yes! Somebody "Out There" actually asked me to write a Guest Post for her blog! 

Steph Rogers of She Said What? recently put out an open invitation for her fans to write a post for her blog. Little did Steph know that I was lurking in The Blogosphere Wings like a Homeless Guy with $5 waiting on the Cheap Beer Here Likker Store to open. 

I jumped at this chance to ruin some poor woman's blogging career spread the word about Dumbass News to an entirely different group of unsuspecting schlubs. And this time the Entirely Different Group of Schlubs are Australians! Or as I like to call them, Dumbasses Down Under.

The Damage Down Under (I am on a "Down Under" roll here, so stay with me) will be done tomorrow, June 5, on She Said What?

Every story I write about on this blog has earned the right to call itself Dumbass News-worthy. But there is the occasional tale that is tailor-made for this blog like John Wayne was made to be a Cowboy. You know the kind of story I am talking about. One so perfect that you almost have to question its authenticity. That's how the following story is. Hand meet glove. Enuff said.

Would you be surprised if I told you this perfect Dumbass story involved alcohol? And a guy with three names? And a bulldozer?

I didn't think so.

B. U. I. (Bulldozing Under the Influence)

Cody Ray Gibbs had already been cited for DUI once before. He thought he was safe from a second one, so he went out and got tanked up with his buddies and finally it was time to go home. On the bulldozer he drove to the bar.

Here's what the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation had to say: "Cody Ray Gibbs, 22, was allegedly under the influence of alcohol when he intentionally destroyed concrete curbing, erosion silt fence and landscaping at a construction site near Powder Springs where homes were to be built, according to an arrest warrant obtained by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
Gibbs did not have consent of the property owners to operate the bulldozer between 2 and 2:30 a.m. Aug. 2, the warrant states. The warrant does not state whether or not Gibbs was employed by the company that owned the bulldozer.
A week later, Gibbs was arrested and charged with second degree criminal damage, a felony. Property developers told police that damage was estimated at $10,000."


What the Hell?

That is just one question I'd like to ask...what the hell? "What the fuck?" comes to mind as well. As does "are you friggin' kiddin' me?" Who does this guy think he is, George Jones? (It's a long story, google "george jones + riding lawnmower" to get the low down)
Cody Ray "D - 9 Cat" Gibbs
  • What the heck was Cody Ray thinkin' when he decided to take the dozer and go drinking in the first place?
  • Was he hoping to impress the chicks with his ride?
  • Between 2 and 2:30 AM? On a bulldozer? After a night of consuming large quantities of alcoholic beverages? 
  • Really?
  • What was he drinking and can I have some? Please.
What Next?

Guys have been busted for DUI on scooters, bikes, golf carts, motorized wheel chairs and, like George Jones, on riding lawn mowers.The lesson here is that the drinking and driving laws in most states cover a wide range of vehicles for you to get popped on if you are plowed and driving one of them.

So, all you Dumbass Drunks out there take heed. You could be next to be arrested for DUI on a horse or something.

Next thing you know they'll make it illegal to be blasted and drive a school bus.

Dumbasses.

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