Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Assault By Sammich! Now w/UPDATES & New Dumbass Bloggers! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Assault By Sammich! Now w/UPDATES & New Dumbass Bloggers!

Thanks to Teri at Snarkfest for an outstanding guest post yesterday about Dumbass the Cat. Although it was not our first "Cat Story", Teri's tale of Feline Dumbassery is one for The Ages. So when you get a minute, click on over to Snarkfest and see what Teri has up her sleeve.

Hopefully, it's not a cat.

Midwest Mayhem

Melbeta, Nebraska. Population 112 in the 2010 Census.

That's all I know about this tiny town except that it's located near Scotts Bluff. I have heard of Scotts Bluff. Melbeta? Not so much. Until now. Thanks to two Dumbasses and a sandwich.

Not So Quiet

One would think that such a small town would be a very quiet place. I guess it normally is. But all that peace and quiet was recently shattered when a couple, the Spurlings, got into it over the man's boredom with living in the country.

Things got so heated between the two that somewhere in there a sandwich assault occurred!

The Daily Mail fills us in, "Mrs Spurling is reported to have become bored with the row and made herself a sandwich and returned to the couple's bedroom - where he allegedly followed her.
The argument is then alleged to have become physical, with Mr Spurling accused of pulling his wife's hair, pushing her down on the bed and rubbing the sandwich into her face.
Mr Spurling’s wife is reported to have had mayonnaise stains on her shirt when examined by the police.
She apparently told officers she had washed mayonnaise from her face and hair before they arrived at the property.
Mr Spurling, who denies the charge against him, was found lying face down on grass outside the couple's home, according to the Scotts Bluff Star- Herald."
Assault Sammich


All Righty Then

I searched the Dumbass News Archives high and low and have verified that this is in fact the first Sandwich Assault story we have reported to you. What won't we do to bring you the Best Dumbass Stories out there? On second thought, it's probably best not to ask that question, because God knows exactly what we'll do for a few page views. But, I digress.

As you have prolly ascertained by now, this is BIG news in Melbeta. It's not every day that a guy gets plastered on cheap ass malt likker and assails his wife with a bologna sandwich. This is such big news that it was picked up by one of the largest newspapers in the world! The whole sordid affair doesn't do much for Melbeta's image as a nice place to live, but still, news is news. Especially when it is Dumbass News-worthyWe only bring you quality stoopid shit. And we proved it again today. Nothing but the best shit for you, fellow Dumbasses.

It has been a pleasure exposing this sub assault and further showing what a drunk Dumbass and a sammich can do for a small town's standing in the Community of Man, while at the same time serving you a steaming pile of the premier poop you've come to expect from this blog.

Besides, the chick should have used mustard. Nobody uses mayo on a bologna sandwich. Those who do, suffer.

Dumbasses.

New Dumbasses I Read

I have recently come across two new (to me) Dumbasses who have some Funny Shit to Read. Just a few minutes ago I added Or So It Seems.... by Robb Lightfoot. Robb's current post is one I find myself in the Throes of Jealousy over: "Fart Filters". 

Fearless Leader weeps.

Another very funny Dumbass is The Regular Guy NYC. Today's The Regular Guy NYC post? "Sweaty Men Playing With Balls". 

Outstanding!

Go visit these Dumbasses and pass their blog posts and URLs around to your friends (if you have any) on Twitter, Facebook and any other places where Dumbasses congregate, like the County Jail.

Thanks!

Dumbasses.




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