Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Chomp-Lifting: A Dumbass and His Stolen Alligator : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Chomp-Lifting: A Dumbass and His Stolen Alligator

As many members of the Dumbass Horde know, in a former life I was a Radio Guy, a DJ if you will.

Being an On-Air Personality allowed me to move up and down that dial (Thanks, WKRP!). One of the stops on my never-ending "packing and unpacking" (Thanks again, WKRP!) was Woodville, Texas, a small
town in Southeast Texas a little over 100 miles Northeast of Houston.

Woodville is one of, if not THE, best place(s) I have ever lived.

In Woodville, there was a Sonic Drive In, a WalMart and a KFC. The only thing missing from Woodville that a bachelor could need was a likker store. The Ville is situated in a "dry county", meaning that you can't buy booze by the package, i.e., a 6-pack or a bottle of whiskey or whatever.

What Woodville lacks in buying alcohol it more than makes up with some of The Best People on Earth and a plethora of outstanding fishin' holes. Fishin' holes that are home to alligatorsLots of alligators.

Most people would associate gators with Florida or Looziana, not Texas. Let me assure you that the Texas - Looziana State Line has not prevented a single one of these prehistoric beasts from finding suitable habitat in the Lone Star State. Believe me when I say that alligators know no boundaries.

Which leads us to....

Today's Story

There's a Dumbass in West Virginia who owns an alligator. As. A. Pet.

This should tell us something about this guy.

It should tell us that he is a Stoopid Fucker.

While I am sure that WV is a fine place to live if you are a Human Bean, I would go so far as to say that it is not what one might call a Haven for Pet Alligators.

That is, of course unless you shoplift one from the local pet store.

The gator-napping took place last Tuesday at Pets & Things when an African-American male grabbed a 3-month-old reptile worth $300 from its cage. Then rolled it up in his shirt before snaking out of the place.
"One guy got my mom's attention while the other guy took the gator," employee Anthony Williams explained to The Huffington Post. "
Williams said he was walking some boarding dogs and didn't notice the missing reptile until the next morning.
Luckily, surveillance video caught the robbery and Williams said the alligator shoplifter is a regular customer who already owns a gator.
I Was Just Thinkng  
  • Really?
  • Why?
  • Gators have many sharp teeth.
  • Gators bite at 3000 psi with said many sharp teeth.
  • Pet alligator?
  • In West Virginia?
  • Does this Dumbass not realize that alligators can grow to be 10 - 14 feet long?
  • Is private ownership of alligators legal in West Virginny?
  • Guard your Family Jewels.
  • Good luck.


  1. I live in WV, just 5 short hours from Beckley where the alligator abduction took place. Did I mention I'm GLAD I'm 5 hours away? I've never seen an alligator in my neck of the woods and I hope I never do!

    1. I know what you mean. When I used to fish in places where gators roamed, there were times wen I'd see one bigger than the small boat I was in. The Alligator version of "Jaws" came to mind. LOL

      I did a post a while back about a guy in Pennsylvania (!) who was raising a gator until...

  2. So, I guess just having a dog or cat was out of the question? What a dumbass!

    1. No shit! All my Coon Ass Buddies down in S.E. Texas and Looziana laugh at Dumbasses like this guy. They also call Dumbasses like this guy "Gator Bait".


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