Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Congresswimmin Propose New National Park - On the Moon! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Congresswimmin Propose New National Park - On the Moon!

At the top of this page the tagline under the blog title mentions that Dumbass News is read by Dumbasses in 163 countries.

If two Democrat members of the U S House of Representatives have their way, Dumbass News could well be the first blog read from the surface of the Moon! 

How cool would that be?

The Hill reports:

Two House Democrats have proposed legislation that would establish a national historical park on the surface of the moon to mark where the Apollo missions landed between 1969 and 1972.

The bill from Reps. Donna Edwards (D-Md.) and Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-Texas) would create the Apollo Lunar Landing Sites National Historical Park. The park would be comprised of all artifacts left on the surface of the moon from the Apollo 11 through 17 missions.

The bill says these sites need to be protected because of the anticipated increase in commercial moon landings in the future.

"As commercial enterprises and foreign nations acquire the ability to land on the Moon, it is necessary to protect the Apollo lunar landing sites for posterity," according to the text of the Apollo Lunar Landing Legacy Act, H.R. 2617.

As cool as this seems, I have some reservations about the whole thing. 

I have never heard of Representative Edwards, so I have no beef with her. I am, however, very familiar with Eddie Bernice Johnson.

Ms. Johnson is, shall we say, a bit eccentric. No, we shall not. We shall say that she is as far "out there" as this proposed Lunar Park. Even though Rep. Johnson calls Dallas home, I have often wondered if she was indeed from the Moon. 

Now I know she's from the Moon!

I have never been shy about saying that my political beliefs lean pretty far to the right. For the uninitiated, that would be the Political Polar Opposite of Eddie Bernice Johnson. She's a Flaming Liberal and makes no bones about it. I respect her for that. You always know from where she comes.

Honestly  

To be honest, I haven't really given this bill much thought since it was sent to me in an email from Dumbass Emeritus, Stoo. 

I must say that, at first glance, it looks like a pretty damn good idea. 

The story in The Hill goes on to say that gubmint and private enterprise would work together to do this thing the right way, blah, blah, blah. Oh, yeah....the United "We Hate the Fucking United States Because They Kick Ass and Take Names" Nations would also be involved in this endeavor in some stoopid fuck way. You can get all the details in the story at this link to The Hill.  

It is at this point that I become leery about this project. 

The U. N. ? Fuck them. 

I couldn't care less about what the Asshats that represent every Third World Socialist/Communist Hell Hole on Earth have to say about when, where and how the United States does bidness.  

We (the USA) didn't discover the Moon, but we got there first and should be able to do with it as we damn well please. 

As a loyal, patriotic 'Merkin, it is incumbent upon me to do my Civic Duty and pony up some ideas for the Moon Park. After all, this deal will be built with tax money and I am a taxpayer, so my input should carry some weight, right? I mean it's not every day that the Congress of the United States of America is encouraged by the Words of Wisdom that your Fearless Leader has to offer. But they are a bunch of idiots, so what do they know?

Fearless Leader's Moon Park Ideas  

  1. Disney Moon - This is the most obvious of ideas. A Disney theme park like the ones in Florida and Cal-ee-forn-ya with lousy food and overpriced cheap ass trinkets. 
  2. Lunar Bouncy House - This stellar (lunar?) attraction will be one of those big ass blow up bouncy houses like you see at County Fairs and shit. The thing that will make the LBH (Lunar Bouncy House) different is that there is virtually no gravity on the Moon! Imagine the Happy Parents when Junior the Child Asshat pushes off the inflated LBH floor and shoots off into inter-stellar space at the Speed of Oh Shiiiiiiiiitt! Just think, now that the Little Fuck is at the mercy of solar winds and the gravitational pull of the Earth, Mom and Dad can finally relax and go on the Real Vacation of a Lifetime that they've always wanted to Cleveland! Or Passaic, New Jersey!
  3. The Golden Arches - They've got a McDonalds in China, so why not on the Moon?
    One thing however....the marquee outside a McDonalds on the Moon would read "Over 15 Sold". That is until the Moon is overrun by Illegal Aliens. This is of course assuming that there is loose border security at the Moon River as there is at the Rio Grande. Have faith, though. Congress will find some way to fuck up immigration to the Moon also.
  4. Strip Joints - Where words like "impact crater" and phrases such as "wanna see my Moon Rocks?" will take on drastically different meanings on the Moon than the ones here on the 3rd Rock From the Sun. 
  5. Lunar Shuttle Vehicles - I almost forgot about this one. I mean you gotta have a mode of transportation from the Earth to the Moon and back, right? The round trip will be damn near a half-million miles so there has to some amenities aboard the space craft to entertain the passengers. Hooters would be cool. And for the kids, a Chuck E. Green Cheese.
So, Representatives Edwards and Johnson, I humbly submit these ideas in hopes that the tens, if not hundreds, of billions of dollars necessary to run this scam endeavor will be wisely spent for the common good of the American people. 

Impact craters. 

Heh.

Dumbasses.

***Photos Courtesy of Disney & McDonalds***

2 comments:

  1. I guess I'd be OK with it, so long as Reps. Donna Edwards and Eddie Bernice Johnson were onsite park rangers.

    For the rest of their lives

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now *that's* funny! And true. Thanks, Justin.

      Delete

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