Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Uses Baseball Bat to Rob Gun Store! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Dumbass Uses Baseball Bat to Rob Gun Store!

I have been watching this new reality show called "God, Guns & Automobiles" on The History Channel.

It stars this guy named Mark Muller, a God-fearing guy who owns a car dealership in a small town in Missouri. He also owns a lot of guns and blows a bunch of shit up. 'Merica!

Mark is also always coming up with these wild promotions that will hopefully help him sell a ton of cars.

On Sunday night's episode he did a deal where he bought a bunch of guns from many citizens of the town in hopes of the citizens using the money towards the purchase of a car from his dealership. There was a lot of subplot to this promotion, but the bottom line is he bought a mess of guns and sold a shit load of cars. (ed. note - the subplot involved getting some old unsafe guns out of circulation and maybe getting some good guns for Mark's private collection. The County Sheriff and local gun experts assisted in this promotion)

I like this show.

I also like the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America.

In today's story, the 2nd Amendment looms large.


Of Baseball Bats & Guns

There are few things more American than baseball and guns. Except maybe God and automobiles.
What a Country!

Anyhow, in The Other Portland (Oregon) some Dumbass thought it might be a good idea to perpetrate a robbery using a baseball bat as a weapon.

Normally, this might not be a bad way to commit a felony. That is if you were gonna knock over a McDonalds or a Bath and Body Works. What would either of these bidnesses do if a guy came in wielding a Louisville Slugger and acting bat shit crazy? Beat him up with a Quarter pounder with cheese? Spray him with the latest in fragrant skin care products?

But (!), our Dumbass, Derrick Mosley, wasn't trying to rip off a McD's or a Bath and Body Works. He was using the ball bat in order to rob a gun store!

Now, I can think of several reasons not to rob a gun store. The main reason that jumps right out at me is the fact that the employees of gun stores are armed with real live guns! To a baseball bat-totin' crack head, this might not be immediately apparent, but I can assure you that when a well-trained man with a Big Bad Ass Gun points a loaded Glock 9 mm pistol at you, the ball bat you are brandishing suddenly seems to lack the "Badness Factor".

That's what happened. Derrick went into the gun store with bad intent (and a baseball bat), smashed a gun display case with the bat, yanked out an unloaded pistol. While a pistol is intimidating, it is about as effective as a baseball bat if it is not loaded. It is at this point that the Gun Store Owner pulls his own pistol, which is loaded with ammunition designed to stop a man. And by "stop a man", I naturally mean "kill him DEAD".

Derrick Mosley will now pay his debt to society in an Oregon State Penitentiary. Or be "forced' to take anger management classes. This is the Left Coast we're talking about here.



  1. It's stories like this that make me feel smart. N'shit.

    1. It's kind of like a guy putting out a 4 alarm fire by pissing on it, huh?

  2. Yeah... I can see the train of thought here (scary, right?): the guy needed a gun for some reason or other (probably to open his beer cans (Simpsons shout out)), but didn't have money to get one. So, he had a bat and decided he could use the bat to do a quick crash and grab job. It makes sense to me.
    I of course, would have used the bat to knock off a couple bath and body works, and then taken that cash in to purchase the needed gun. But, that's me using logic again. I hear that's not the thing to do anymore.

  3. And we wonder why Darwin's theory has not stopped some of these idiots from being born!

    1. Absent Darwin's Theory, a 9 mm works just fine.


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