Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Making Whoopie While Driving Drunk! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Making Whoopie While Driving Drunk!


Fire Water.

The Devil's Brew.

Whatever you choose to call it, alcohol, when consumed in adequate quantities, causes people to do some stoopid shit. I should know. I am a Former Professional Drinker. And after gettin' likkered up I did some real stoopid shit.

I am not here to regale you with Tales of a Drunken Fearless Leader, although some of the stories I could tell you would make your toe nails curl and your head explode. I am here, however, as a Dumbass News Public Service, to pass along some stoopid shit that other Drunk Dumbasses have done.

If you were to go to the Dumbass News Search Box near the top of the right hand side bar and type in "DUI", you'd come up with some epic sagas of Drunken Dumbassery.

For Example
  • Cody Ray Gibbs of Atlanta had already been convicted of one DUI when he decided to go get drunk with his buddies. He got drunk all right and decided that it was time to go home. On the bull dozer he drove to the bar!
  • A Kiwi Dumbass (that's a Dumbass from New Zealand for the Yoopers in the audience) tried to drive home after a night of blowin' the froth off a few with a Young Kiwi Lass when he got popped for DUI. After he crashed his car into her living room! Dumbass Spoiler Alert: he blew three times the legal DUI limit and also pissed on some Breath-a-lyzers at the Police Station!
  • One Drunk Dumbass knew he was in trouble for DUI when he was stopped at a Police DUI Check Point. So what does he do before he gets to the front of the DUI Check Point line? Cracks open a cold one and waits his turn to be carted off to jail!
You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet

While the stories listed above are some very fine examples of Dumbass Drunk Driving, they fail miserably in comparison to level of Dumbass Drunk Driving Drama in today's potboiler.

An Albuquerque man faces multiple charges after police said he was engaging in sex with a woman while drunken driving, and then crashed his vehicle.
Drunk Dick
Police said they found Luis Briones, 25, wearing one shoe and inside-out shorts Monday night after he crashed his vehicle. His unidentified female passenger was found naked outside the vehicle after being ejected, and was hospitalized for deep cuts to her face and head, The Albuquerque Journal reported Wednesday.
Police said Briones ran a red light and struck a car.
The criminal complaint mentions "Mr. Briones was observed to be having sexual intercourse with the passenger, and sped off ... at a high rate of speed."
Witnesses told police Briones was drunk at the scene, and officers found a partially full vodka bottle in the vehicle, the newspaper said. He faces charges including aggravated DWI, reckless driving and evading police.
What else can I say?


  1. I wonder if they "arrived at their destination" before crashing?


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