Romantic Way to Say "I Love You": Stab Your Husband in the Back!

Tomorrow is a landmark day in the history of Dumbass News.

Tomorrow is also a day where another blogger, Teri at Snarkfest, throws caution and common sense into the wind and does the Throw Caution and Common Sense Into the Wind and Commit Blogging Hari Kari Thing by being a Guest Blogger right here on these very pixels!

Be sure to stop by!

Dumbasses.

Gentlemen, when you ask a lovely person of the female persuasion to be your bride, you are asking her to be your partner until death you do part. She is is to be treated with the dignity and respect due a woman who will one day bear your children. She is to be cherished for being the invaluable treasure she is. In short, don't piss her off! When sufficiently provoked, the pookie bear of your life turns into she devil with felonious intentions. Consider yourself lucky if your beloved requires an ample amount of you giving her shit before she finds her chicken cuttin' scissors and applies them to your gazebos. SNIP SNIP

Best of Dumbass News

I have a story today that is aimed squarely at you poor married schmucks. Pay close attention, you'll be quizzed on this later.

Back Stabber

A guy just up I-95 in Bangor didn't even have to make his Dumbass Wife mad before she slammed a kitchen knife into the dude's back. When the cops asked her why she did that she replied (take note of this, guys) "because he drives me nuts!" Well that settles that! Hell, if my wife stabbed me every time I made her mad, I'd look like sandwich cut roast beef from the supermarket deli. I have over time, learned to say "yes ma'am" when she gets that Texas Chainsaw Massacre look in her eyes. As I write this, she hasn't made fajita meat out of me in over 3 weeks! But, I digress.

Meanwhile back in Bangor...the crazy bitch stabbed her old man for no damn good reason and she was promptly arrested and charged with all kinds of good stuff, including assault with a dangerous weapon.

Now get this. The Dumbass Lunatic Broad was released from jail after posting a cash bond. Fair enough. A cash bond of $1500!!! Are you fucking kidding me? Fifteen hundred dollars? For stabbing a guy in the back??!! What kind of Dumbass Judge would pull such a stunt? Damn! Oh, well, this is Bangor we're talking about here.

Two things I know about Little Boston Bangor:

1. There's a crazy bitch out of jail on bond that should not be allowed to touch any kitchen utensils but spoons 
2. Some dickweed judge needs lessons in bail-setting. 

Dumbasses.

(Hat tip: Bangor Daily News)