Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Sharknado & Other Dumbass "-nadoes" : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, July 19, 2013

Sharknado & Other Dumbass "-nadoes"

I am evidently behind The Times when it comes to the latest Stoopid Shit That Becomes a Viral Internet Sensation. 

Sharknado would be one of the SSTBAVIS that I have somehow missed out on.

Over the last few days while on Twitter (@RealDumbassNews), I saw a shit load of Tweets with the hashtag "#Sharknado". To the Untrained Eye, this would seem to be just another stoopid Twitter hashtag. In reality, this is where being a Fearless Leader comes into play. I am a Highly Trained Internet Social Media Hashtag Guru as well.

Finally curiosity about the #Sharknado hashtag got the best of me and I broke down and put to good use my Sharply-Honed Google Fu Skillz.

Tornado + Shark = ? 

Without expending too much Fearless Leader Sharply-Honed Google Fu Skillz Energy, I found out what the hell a "Sharknado" is.

As best as I can ascertain, a "sharknado" is what happens as the result of a Run of the Mill Tornado doing what tornadoes do when it (tornado) takes place over an ocean. I'm sure you've seen video of tornadoes as they demolish houses and suck up the debris from these houses and other stuff in their paths and toss them about. Substitute "sharks" for "debris and other stuff" and you've got yourself a sharknado.

In other words, a sharknado sucks up a butt load of sharks from the sea and deposits them in a willy nilly fashion onto the unsuspecting land lubbers at which time much sci-fi hilarity, people-eating and creepiness ensues.

Good Sharknado News

The good news is that in the unlikely event of a sharknado destroying your town, your homeowners insurance will cover the damage!

ArcaMax News tells s: A sharknado attack likely would be covered under U.S. homeowners' insurance policies, Consumer Reports says.
Curious after the Syfy TV movie "Sharknado" took the Internet by storm last week, Consumer Reports asked the Insurance Information Institute what would happen from an insurance perspective if a giant tornado dumped thousands of sharks on a neighborhood.
"A tornado is a wind event," Mike Barry, vice president of media relations, was quoted as saying. A falling shark likely would be covered under homeowners insurance as a falling object.
Car insurance, as long as it included comprehensive coverage, likely would cover any damage caused by a shark landing on a car or truck.
As for any limbs lost in an attack by a flying shark, that would fall under health insurance claims, Consumer Reports said Monday.
What to do with the dead sharks left in the aftermath? Consumer Reports suggests checking out the group's ratings for chainsaws, kitchen knives, freezers and top-rated grills.
Other "-nadoes"

As you know, I am a Man of Ideas. Sadly, none of my ideas (including this blog) have thus far set the world on fire and made me independently wealthy.

Yet.

Undaunted, and uninsured, I have come with some great alternatives to sharknadoes.

  • Beernado - While I am no longer a Professional Drinker, I begrudge no man his Gawd-given right to slam back a few Pabst Blue Ribbons. Of course this particular "-nado" would assume that a tornado actually sucks a PBR brewery off its foundation and scatters cheap ass beer all over the countryside. 
  • Baconado - Tornado + pig farm = Hog Heaven. 
  • Hootersnado - Hot wings and hooters take flight! This is what I call a "Daily Double".
  • Doobienado - One of these "-nadoes" will have the affected people wishing for one or more of the "-nadoes" listed above.
  • Obamanado - This particular type of "-nado" has a duration of eight years and has the power to suck the life out of the whole damn country. 
Dumbasses.

***Image from DreadCentral.com***

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