Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Survey: 20% of You Use Your Smartphone During Sex! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Survey: 20% of You Use Your Smartphone During Sex!

There seems to be some recurring themes littering showing up on the pages of Dumbass News. I'm not sure why that is, but the fact that these topics routinely appear here indisputable.

Examples of Recurring Themes: 

The stories listed above are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg in their respective categories.

Taking Center Stage once again today:

Cell Phones! 

Did you know that even the simplest of today's cell phones have more computing power than the computers aboard the space ships that went to the moon in the late 60s and early 70s? They do. Now if we can ever figure out how to fasten a rocket engine to a cell phone and blast it off to the moon......:)

Anyway.....I came across an article on showing exactly how cell phone owners put their devices to use and when. The Good Folks at DashBurst went to a few college campii (<---- a little Rush Limbaugh Lingo there) and ask the students about their cell phone usage.

Here's what the DashBurst survey came up with:

31% - Text their Exes
22% - Snap Selfies
17% - Use a Metronome App
10% - Order Take-Out
8% - Return Dad's Call
6% - Set it to Vibrate
5% - Play (and sing along to) “Girl I Want to Make You Sweat”
1% - Play “Thriller” on Repeat  

There's nothing really out of whack on that list except maybe the last two. 

I have never heard "Girl I Want to Make You Sweat", but if the song is as good as the title, then Mrs. Fearless Leader is in for a treat.

Over the last thirty years, I have heard "Thriller" almost as many times as "Stairway to Heaven"Enough said.

The Big Reveal (with Obligatory Dumbass News Spew Alert) 
Sex Toy

Respondents to this survey in the 18 - 34 Age Group provided One of the Most Dumbass Answers to a survey question that has ever been given in the History of Dumbass Survey Question Answers. 

A full 20% (that's 1 in 5, folks!) admitted to using their smartphones while they were "gettin' some"! What. The. Fuck.! (pun intended)

You're telling me that 20%of college students ages 18 - 34 were talking, texting, web surfing, etc. while they were gettin' laid! ?! 

Now, isn't that interesting?

What I Think 

  1. 20% of the women from 18 to 34 are being deprived of a good session of bumpin' uglies.
  2. 20% of the guys from 18 to 34 are woefully pitiful and selfish in the sack. 
  3. How can a man or woman do the dirty deed with any sort of intimacy while using a smartphone?
  4. Does the guy/girl using the cell phone during sex hump to the rhythm of 100 words per minute of typing? 
  5. How many words per minute does it take to complete the experience?
  6. Is this act of carnal knowledge called "The QWERTY"?
  7. When the typist uses an exclamation point while texting during sexing, is there added "umphffff" in the thrusting motion?
  8. Is "Thriller" played on a loop while the act is taking place.
  9. That would explain the rapid deflation of a man's weenie at this crucial time.
  10. This, however, seems like a great time to sing along with "Girl I Want to Make You Sweat". 
  11. iSex?
  12. HTC? (Hit That Cooter)
  13. Every Dumbass reading this story will now have an earworm of "Thriller" , along wit gratuitous
    Michael Jackson in zombie make up playing his/her head for the next umpteen times they are having sex.
"It's after miiiiiddnight....."



  1. This really, REALLY reminds me of my loooong ago marriage. She was from a demographic that was identified stereotypically as "Lay there and take it." This was patently untrue - at least in her case.

    She was very active during the deed. She'd eat an apple, balance her check book, do her nails, call her mom, check her portfolio ....

  2. Dear lord people disconnect for a bit while you are getting connected in bed!

    1. Exactly! Like the old AT&T ad said: Reach out and touch someone!

  3. How boring can your sex life be if you're using your phone during coitus?
    Pretty boring, apparently.


Humor Blogs - Blog Rankings Google

Follow Us