Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Dumbass Flees From Cops on Riding Lawnmower! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Dumbass Flees From Cops on Riding Lawnmower!

What's with the overstock of Dumbasses in Florida these days?

A while back, in Manatee, Florida, we had a guy who tried to hide some crack cocaine in his ass crack.

Today our Dumbass, Charles McDaniel, is in the Tampa Bay Area.

However, McDaniel is not trying hide crack in his crack.

He is attempting to escape from police with his ass planted firmly on a riding lawnmower!

Here's the Deal

Tampa Bay law enforcement got a tip that McDaniel was concealing stolen property in his home. During the service of the search warrant, somebody notified the cops that McDaniel was fleeing the scene on a riding lawnmower! Zipping along at the lightning speed of about 7 miles per hour, McDaniel was soon apprehended by the local constabulary, who were giving pursuit in patrol cars equipped with highly modified, 400 horsepower V-8s. Good ol' Chuck was arrested and charged with a bucket full of felonies and being a Dumbass.

End of story, right?

Wrong.

The highly-trained and professional "journalists" at TampaBay.com needed to add perspective to this story, so they found a guy who sets land speed records on, you've got it, riding lawnmowers! What.The.Frak? This sort of insight is invaluable to the average newspaper reader. Mr. and Mrs. Average Newspaper Reader would never believe that cops with high performance squad cars could catch a Dumbass trying to escape them on a riding lawnmower, so the reporters of this story contacted a Dumbass named Bobby Cleveland, who has done 96.5 mph on a souped up John Deere. Bobby says brilliant things like "You could get it to about 7 or 8 miles per hour -- max." Then Mr. Dumbass Hot Rod Lawnmower Riding Guy gives us this pearl of wisdom, "It's not an escape vehicle," he said. "You're sitting up there too high, so there's nowhere to hide. And they're just a little too slow..."
Hot Rod Riding Lawnmower & Its Dumbass

No shit, Briggs and Stratton breath.

We have established the fact that Charles McDaniel is a Dumbass for trying to elude police on a riding lawnmower, but now we have two more Dumbasses in this story: Hot Rod John Deere Guy and those Mensa Members at tampabay.com.

Here's what I think: anybody that rides a lawnmower at 96.5 mph is a Dumbass. A Dumbass with a death wish. But this maroon is probably a product of the public school system, so I'll cut him a break. On the other hand, we have the reporters at tampabay.com. They took up valuable company time costing who knows how much money to actually search for Souped Up Lawn Mower Dumbass for his "professional opinion" on why Charles McDaniel is a Dumbass for fleeing the fuzz on a riding lawnmower!

Now that's Dumbassery at its best. Hell, the Reporter Dumbasses could have picked any name out of the Tampa phone book and gotten the same observations. Is it any wonder that the American citizenry holds the main stream media in such low regard?

The Dumbass runs thick in Tampa Bay.

You'd need a new John Deere just to cut through it.

Dumbasses.

**Photo from Aol News**

6 comments:

  1. Can't we just cut Florida off from the mainland and let it float out into the ocean away from the U.S.?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! I hate to keep writing shit about Florida Dumbasses, but they keep coming back like a rash.

      Delete
  2. Fearless Leader,

    Are you tired of writing about Floriduh dumbasses because it's too easy? Target rich environment?

    An idea: work your way through all 57 states, alphabetically. That might be more challenging.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a great idea, stoo! That's why you are a Dumbass Emritus.

      Delete

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