Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Best of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Best of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines!

Best of Dumbass News

When I say this job is easy, I didn't know it would ever be this easy.

Below you find a sampling of 25 flat funny newspaper headlines I came across on

If you are in a location like work where laughing your ass off out loud would be, shall we say, "distracting", go to the toilet for a minute to read this post. If you are ROFFLMFAO in the can, your co-workers will think you are either on your cell phone (good) or slappin' the monkey (bad).

Regardless, get ready for more shamelessly copied and pasted from

Remember, these are actual newspaper headlines from all around the country.

Two things. 1) Dad has a smile on his face. 2) Judging by the size of Susie's mouth, she wants to congratulate Dear Old Dad. I'm just sayin'.

Obviously that improvement hasn't made it into headline writing. Notice the byline? It's the Associated Press. "Nuff said.

Obama's package is big enough to have screwed the whole damn country. I'm turned off, too. One good thing though, Obama ain't got any balls.

The Lady is a Tramp.

 I know this to be true as I have faced many obstables in my life which led me to step in many steaming piles of horse shiite.

A lot of hookers play with Tiger's balls, too, Fearless Leader says.

 Many a man has hurt his wang while going deep.

What sound does a one armed man applauding make?  Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. What's next, a guy with no legs giving a standing ovation?

Where do you expect it go? AlAnon?

The Nationagsujw;efuq  Football Leanjweivfjvqwjevv9

I have been to Boulder hundreds of times and am still amazed at what the women grow and where they grow it.

What can I say?

More Dead Ahead

I left out a few good ones for the sake of brevity, but you can see the rest of the Dumbass Headlines that are paired with these at BuzzFeed.

And if you should make the headlines, I hope it's for doing something extremely stoopid.  :)


Dumbass News Headlines is always a popular feature here on the blog. And since we are growing in popularity at such a rapid pace, I decided to throw in a few of the prvious Dumbass News Headlines posts from the first 22 months in the life of Dumbass News.

Here's a list of links to more Dumbass News Headlines 


  1. Clever share, Fearless Leader!
    You're one cool blogger, my friend.

  2. LOL! Thanks for the laughs. We seem to have many illiterate dumbasses in this country. Even in the news media.

    1. Illiterate dumabasses, repeat yourself. LMFAO! :)

  3. Too funny! Loved this!

    1. Thanks, Lorraine! Glad you got a kick out of it. :)


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