Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Guy Wins Eating Contest, Keels Over Dead On the Spot! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Guy Wins Eating Contest, Keels Over Dead On the Spot!

I like contests.

I get emails all the time from web sites that I subscribe to urging me to "Enter to Win!".

I enter, but I don't win.

Ever.

Yet, I enter, time after time after time, hoping against hope that I'll finally bring home the bacon. 

Or the cookware in which to fry the bacon.

I think the last contest I entered was at Food Thoughts of a Chef Wannabe. FTOACW is a food blog (and a damned good one) run by my and Mrs. Fearless Leader's friend Chris. Chris was running a giveaway in concert with some Big Ass Company that makes fancy schmancy cookware.

I didn't win.

Again.

Maybe I should move to Ukraine.

Contests are big in Ukraine.

As a Matter of Fact...

They just had a Dumpling Eating Contest in a Ukrainian village as part of some sort of a local festival. the object of the contest was to see which participant could eat ten potato-stuffed dumplings in the shortest amount of time.

The Grand Prize was (I am not making this up) a one liter jar of sour cream!

The winner ended up being a 77 year old man who downed the dumplings in less than thirty seconds!

The winner celebrated his stunning victory by keeling over dead!

Now, I am reasonably certain that this is not the desired outcome of most contests. As a general rule, contest sponsors really get a kick out of the victorious contestant enjoying his or her winnings. Dropping dead is not a sign of one basking in the glow of the thrill of victory.

You wanna know how the Dumpling Eating Champ died?

He. Choked. To. Death. On. His Own. Vomit!

From ramming ten potato-filled dumplings down his gullet in less than thirty seconds.

No word on whether the runner up was awarded the liter of sour cream after the winner died.

Seems only fair to me.

Dumbasses.

***Photo from BizarreNews.org***

10 comments:

  1. Yannow, if he didn't want a whole liter of sour cream, he could've just eaten a little slower. Then he might've been able to avoid puking/choking/DYING.

    Win-win!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My doctor keeps telling me that sour cream can kill ya. He was right!

      Delete
    2. Alternatively, it could be that the prize was his favorite sour cream, EVARRRR.

      To die for, so to speak.

      Delete
  2. Gross!
    That's all I've got. That's probably all that was needed anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know what you mean. I'll never look at chicken and dumplings the same way again.

      Delete
  3. Wonder if it tasted as good on the way back up?

    ReplyDelete

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