Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Guys' Plan to Watch Wimmin Pee in WalMart Toilet Comes Crashing Down! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Guys' Plan to Watch Wimmin Pee in WalMart Toilet Comes Crashing Down!

My grill was jacked up.

So yesterday I went to the Teeth Pulling People and had all my Chiclets yanked out.

I now have a beautiful set of Store-Bought Teefahs.

Fearless Leader's Store-Bought Smile

I also have some Hydrocodone to ease the pain. And by "ease the pain" I naturally mean keep me hammered for a few days.

So, in the interest of safeguarding the integrity of Dumbass News (you have no idea how difficult it is to use the words "integrity" and "Dumbass News" in the same sentence without ejecting the dentures out of my Vicodin-infested mouth and embedding them in the wall on the other side of the living room), I'll regale you today with......

Best of Dumbass News

In keeping with the nonexistent incredibly high standards I have set for the content on Dumbass News, today I again present to you a story about the sub-human boils on the ass of society that is both uplifting and inspiring. Of course by "uplifting and inspiring" I mean utterly disgusting and revolting. And, as you know, there is no place on the internet that does disgusting and revolting quite like Dumbass News. 

Yep, potty humor is our gig here. A royal flush as it were.

As a matter of fact, we have covered some of the finest Dumbass Toilet Tales in the Known History of Dumbass Toilet Tales (DTTs)

For of our more popular DDTs features a truly sick fuck who had a picnic in a WalMart restroom. 

It's common knowledge amongst Dumbasses of the male persuasion that he head is a deluxe locale for doing some heavy duty thinking. With the advent of today's technology, the can is also a prime spot to do a little online shopping.

In Dumbass Toilet Tale from a few months ago, some asshat wanted to spy on wimmin using the ladies facilities. So he did what any red-blooded pervert would do. He installed a hidden camera in the Wimmins Toilet at a J C Penney down in Florida! Making this story topical to today's news, the Dumbass was an illegal alien! When Congress passes whatever kind of shit sandwich of an immigration bill, this hombre will be moved to the front of the line and granted immediate US citizenship. He'll also be awarded forty acres and a burro.

I saved this story for last in our Dumbass Toilet Tales Trilogy because it leads right into today's narrative.

It seems that two Dumbasses with Russian-sounding names (Igor and Ivan or some shit) in Georgia were hell bent on following the lead of El Turd-o in Florida by secretly spying on wimmin while they were "doin' their bidness". These two dipsticks had an infallible plan. They went into the men's room located right next to the ladies' room in question and stood up on the toilet bowls, lifted up those white ceiling tile thingies, hoisted themselves up into the crawl space in the ceiling and carefully made their way to a spot directly over the wimmin's bathroom. Ever so cautiously Igor and Ivan positioned themselves for a round of Tinkling Wimmin Watching.

Then it happened.

Our two Einsteinovs crashed through the damned ceiling straight into the stalls of the ladies room!

The two brothers were charged with watching women piss in a wimmin's room without a permit and some other toilet-related crimes.

As they say in South Russia, "Tough shitski. Y'all."


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