Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Nigerian "FBI" Sends Me $5 Million! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Nigerian "FBI" Sends Me $5 Million!

Look what I got from the "FBI"!

It's "official" and everything!

NOTICE FROM FBI (OFFICIAL)

Spam
x

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION <contact@fbimail.com>
4:02 PM (10 minutes ago)

to undisclosed recipients
Be careful with this message. Many people marked similar messages as phishing scams, so this might contain unsafe content.  Learn more

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI)

HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON, D.C.

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE,
NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
REF: US/28028/8A28/11
ATTENTION:
FBI OFFICIAL NOTICE: This is to inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly completed an investigation with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring
Network System (IMNS), your email address was found in the Central Computer among the list of unpaid contractors, inheritance next of kin and lotto beneficiaries approved
to receive a part-payment of $5,000,000.00 Five Million United States Dollars. According to the record in the system your funds had been long overdue.
This is because some corrupt officials have been using the interest accumulated from your fund every year to enrich themselves without your knowledge.
Meanwhile, We want to make sure your funds is paid to you immediately via ATM Card which is the easiest and quickest method to receive your fund and also to secure and
protect your fund from being diverted by fraudulent people or making more payments to those corrupt officials.
We have completed this investigation and you are hereby approved to receive the sum of $5,000,000.00 as we have verified the entire transaction to be Safe and 100% risk free.
Therefore, we want to inform you that an arrangement has perfectly been concluded to effect your payment as soon as possible. However, it is our pleasure to inform you that
ATM Card Number; 7946 8678 0123 2210 has been approved and upgraded in your favor.
The ATM Card Value is $5,000,000.00 USD Only. You are advised that a maximum withdrawal limit of US$10,000.00 only is permitted daily. And you can make withdrawal in any
location of the ATM Center of your choice/nearest to you any where in the world.
Due to the fact that the funds has been converted into an ATM Card you will be required to settle the following bills directly to the Agent in-charge of your payment whom is
located in Abuja, Nigeria,. According to our discoveries, you will be required to pay for the following :-
* ATM Card Conversion Fee (Fee for converting the funds into an ATM Card)
* (ATM Card Delivery Fee)
The total amount for everything is $135.00 (One Hundred and Thirty Five Dollars) only. We have tried our possible best to indicate that this $135.00 should be deducted from the
funds but we found out that the funds have already been converted into an ATM Card and cannot be accessed by anyone except you "the legal beneficiary". Therefore, you will
be required to pay the fee's to the Agent in-charge of your payment via Western Union Money Transfer Or Money Gram so that he can deliver your ATM Card and approval
documents to you as we have instructed him.
In order to proceed with your payment, you will be required to contact the agent in-charge of your payment (MR. DANIEL MARK) via e-mail. Kindly look below to find
appropriate contact information:
CONTACT AGENT NAME: MR. DANIEL MARK
E-MAIL ADDRESS: dmark433@gmail.com
PHONE NUMBER #: +234 818 865 4399
You will be required to e-mail him with the following information:
FULL NAME:
PRESENT ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE:
DIRECT CONTACT NUMBER:
You will also be required to request Western Union details on how to send the required $135.00 in order to immediately deliver your ATM Card, and also include the following
Fund Reference Identification: EA2948-910.
This letter will serve as proof that the Federal Bureau Of Investigation is authorizing you to pay the required $135.00 ONLY to AGENT DANIEL MARK via information in which
he shall send to you.
NOTE: In order to ensure rapid response, contact AGENT DANIEL MARK as soon as possible providing the required information needed from you above.
Congratulations in advance!!!
NSB Seal
Robert S. Mueller, III
Public Affairs Director - FBI.
NSB SEAL ABOVE
CC: United Nations Organization (UN)
CC: International Monetary Fund (IMF)
CC: World Dept Reconciliation Agencies (WDRA)


It's about time! I have been waiting for this moment for over forty years!

Five. Million. United. States. Dollars.

Suck on that, Corrupt Officials who for so long raided my account solely to enrich yourselves. You have finally been exposed for what you truly are - Big Old Meanies! But, it is I who shall get the last laugh! And I'll be laughing all the way to the bank! Bwahahahahahahaha!

The FBI was even kind enough to load the entire 5 million onto an ATM Card! Wow! How lucky can a guy get? Hell, I even got a Fund Reference Identification Number. And I bet some of you thought I was getting ripped off. It just goes to show you how stoopid some people are. I'll send you idjits a post card from my palatial beach home in Belize.

The best part is that all I have to do to claim the fortune that is rightfully mine is to wire via Western Union a piddling $135 to Agent Daniel Mark at the "FBI"s Field Office in Abuja, Nigeria! Color me impressed. FBI Agents in Africa are so ready to right the wrongs of those nasty old "Corrupt Officials" that they will verify my funds from half way around the world! And it's not gonna cost me but $135.

If you still don't believe in the veracity of this transaction, I have further proof that it's on the up and up. Agent Daniel Mark even provided me with a valid email address (dmark433@gmail.com) and a contact telephone number (234-818-865-4399). Now if that ain't legit, I'll kiss your ass in the middle of Downtown Dallas and give you an hour to draw a crowd. Wooops! I've written those words twice before and they've and they've come back to bite me in my own ass both times. But not this time, Losers! Hahahaha on you!

Luckily for me, there's a Western Union vendor at the Rite Aid a mere quarter mile from where I live! The stars have aligned for me! No more Mr. Disabled Old Guy With Two Kids Under 11 Years Old for me! I'm finally somebody! A rich somebody!

As if I need further reassurance, the FBI's Field Office in Abuja, Nigeria sent copies of this notification to the United Nations, International Monetary Fund AND World Reconciliation Dept Agencies.

Enough said.

I'm filthy fucking rich and you are all a bunch of Mad Dog 20/20-drinkin' peons. Ha!

I do, however, have one small favor to ask of you before I assume my Rightful Place amongst The Elite. If this thing doesn't work out, could you please see clear to loan me twenty bucks? I'll pay you back next Tuesday.

Thanks.


Dumbasses.

25 comments:

  1. I called that number... lo and behold they have an ATM card for me with $6,392,427.71! Happy days are here again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BTW... I talked to Agent Mark Daniels. He's from Pulaski, WI and is a hardcore Packer fan. He asked if I could get tickets to the Packer-Bear game for him. I told him sure, no problem... just send me $600 through Western Union. He seemed pretty excited.

      Delete
    2. Packers - Bears?!!!??? I'll raise that Western Union bid to $1000!

      I know I can trust you, Bones. You ain't even Nigerian. Or from Minny Soda.

      Delete
    3. Minniesoda? The Land of 10000 Flakes?

      Heaven forbid...

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Is that in Niageria?

      Delete
    2. Hmmm... I've been to Bumphuck, Idaho but never to Mount CanuckaManjaro.

      Delete
    3. It's on the Canadian side of Niagra Falls.

      Delete
  3. I get 5 of those letters a month....you'd think after I didn't respond, they would move on......but NOOOOoooooooooo! Clueless

    Even us southern gals .... know a scam when we see one!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let's hope not! If so.........i have some ocean front property in the Sahara ... I'll sell ya cheap!

      Delete
    2. I've always wanted to live on the Sahara Ocean!

      Delete
  4. RUT ROH... she found me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mention $6 million + and they'll find you!

      Delete
    2. Hmmmmmmmmmm........were you hiding? Its not nice to fool me! LOL

      Delete
  5. A DumbAss is finally RICH ???September 30, 2013 at 8:46 AM

    Can I please borrow $200,000 for my Aunt Betsy's surgery? She has to have her spleen removed ?? I can pay you back when Mr. Agent Mark Daniels sends me my glorious winnings? Ohhh and my Aunt Betsy Thanks You so very much!
    Sincerely, The Next DumbAss

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was touched by your story. Of course you can have the 200Gs for Aunt Betsy's spleen removal! I'll also throw in an extra $250,000 in case Aunt Betsy needs a new heart.

      I am a benevolent Fearless Leader.

      Delete
  6. Dang, I only got 2.5 mill. - and not even an FBI agent!

    "You are therefore advice to contact
    Mr. Richard K Davis
    (Compensation Redemption Administrative Agent)
    Email: rdavis23@rediffmail.com"

    Ol' Dick is stuck with rediffmail? The UN is a pretty cheap outfit, when it comes to their own money, ain't they?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed they are, stoo. But they ain't too proud to piss away the hundreds of millions of American dollars that you and I so graciously give those Commie Bastards each year, are they?

      Delete
  7. Man, what I dumbass I have been. All these years deleting those messages of fortune. I should have believed and become wealthy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Phil...be like me and believe in the Basic Goodness of People like the Nigerian "FBI". (it was really hard not to LMAO while typing that)

      Delete
  8. фил еты правда ? ты выграл

    ReplyDelete

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