Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Tool Shed Sex in Front of Home Depot! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Tool Shed Sex in Front of Home Depot!

Sex sells.

On TV. In movies. In music.

On Dumbass News.

But for sex, like anything in in life, there is a time and a place for everything.

For example, your local Home Depot (More Saving. More Doing.) is a great place to buy a drill. It is, however, a piss poor place to get drilled.

Let me splain.

Tool Shed

Emily and Shaun are like millions of young couples across The Fruited Plain. They are young, of course. They are in love. And they are horny.

They are also stoopid.

Emily and Shaun recently made a trip to a Home Depot store in North Charleston, South Carolina.

Upon arrival they noticed a very nice tool shed on display in front of the store so they decided to take a look at it. They went inside. They closed the door behind them. They did not come out.
Emily & Shaun - Tool Shed Sex Havers

An Alert and Friendly Home Depot Employee noticed the couple inspecting the tool shed and thought, "Damn straight! My commission on this shit will be astronomical!" Actually, the Alert and Friendly Home Depot Employee did not use the word "astronomical" in his Official Home Depot Cartoon Thought Bubble. His exact word usage was "buttload". This is, after all, South Carolina we're talking about here. There are only two people in the whole state who can spell and/or pronounce the word "astronomical" - @ToddKincannon and his Golden Retriever, Noodle ( @TheNoodleK ). 

But, I digress.

Anyway....after several minutes the Alert and Friendly Home Depot Employee noticed that Emily and Shaun had not yet exited the tool shed. So he did what any Alert and Friendly Home Depot Employee would do at this point. He became suspicious.

And he called the Cops.

Laying Pipe

An inspection of the outdoor sheds turned up Craig and Bowden. Craig, cops noted, was “partially clothed; the top of her dress was untied, hanging at her waist.” Bowden was shirtless and “had his pants down near his knees; his penis was exposed.”, according to The Smoking Gun.

Say what you will about South Carolina in particular, or The South in general, but having a Rousing Session of Mad Monkey Sex in a storage shed on display in front of the Home Depot is not acceptable in Polite Society.

Getting a "hummer" in the storage shed on display in front of the Home Depot is OK, however.

In The South, we save Rousing Sessions of Mad Monkey Sex for the Plumbing Department of Lowe's. This is why it's called "Laying Pipe".

Any good Southerner worth his weight in salt knows that.

Dumbasses.

12 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Phil....in some parts of The South, this type of activity is called a "first date".

      Delete
  2. Honey I think we need to go check out the tool sheds at home depot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well because I am shy we could take it inside at Sam's club, you need to get cigarettes anyway.

      Delete
    2. I'll need a smoke after we "buy bulk". :)

      Delete
    3. Nothing turns a yankee woman on more than home depot and sam's club. I think what would be completely mind blowing though is if we ever get a coscos here.

      Delete
  3. Hey, Dumbasses! Click on SimplyHeather's name and go visit her food blog and her YouTube Channel! She's got some great recipes!

    And you just might learn to cook something besides Spaghetti-Os.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I guess there was no money in their shopping budget for a hotel room - or therapy?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha!

      I hope all is well with you, Senor Hook!

      The Intarwebz need you!

      Delete
    2. Dumbasses....one of the BEST writers on the World Widw Web is ol' youvebeenhooked. I strongly recommend that you follow his blog. Also go through his older posts. Dude is a Bellman at a Fancy Schmancy Hotel in Niagra Falls, Ontario, Canada. He has some OUTSTANDING stories and many of them are filled with World Class Dumbassery.

      Besides that, he's a damn fine human bean.

      http://youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com/

      Delete

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