Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Callers Complain About Noise in San Fran Marathon; Re-Directed to Phone Sex Line! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Callers Complain About Noise in San Fran Marathon; Re-Directed to Phone Sex Line!

I am, in general, a Fairly Early Riser.

Even when I "sleep in", I am usually out of bed between 6:00 AM and 6:30 AM. Considering, however, that I don't go to sleep most nights until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, 6:00 or 6:30 is plenty early for me.

Having said that, I get madder than hell when somebody does something that wakes me up before the appointed time. I'm sure that many of you are the same way. Don't fuck with me until I have both feet on the floor and am headed out my bedroom door.

End. Of. Story.

When I got up this morning (Wednesday), I went outside to have a smoke. As I was putting a nail in my coffin, the school bus that picks up a load of kids about 6:45 AM on school days goes driving by - with music playing over an external loud speaker! 

While this did not wake me up, I was thinking to myself  "What a rude motherfucker!". (I often think in italicised Bold Georgia font) There are plenty of other people in our apartment complex who do not crawl out of bed as early as I do and might have been awakened by this bullshit.

This incident pales in comparison to what happened this past weekend in San Francisco.

Plus porn.

Let me splain.

Nike Marathon

Nike puts on an annual womens marathon in the City By the Bay with lots of money being donated to find a cure for cancer.

This is good.

The start time for the race is 6:30 AM. Sunday morning. 

This is bad - if you live near the marathon starting line.

Various announcement concerning the race are made on a Big Ass Public Address System. A very loud Big Ass Public Address System.

This is very bad - if you live within ear shot of the Very Loud Big Ass Public Address System.

And lots of people in San Francisco live within ear shot of the VLBAPAS.

And many of them were pissed.

Lots of angry residents near the starting line for the Nike Marathon called the City's 3-1-1 number to complain. (Don't ask me! I have no idea what 3-1-1 is for. Other than to bitch about Ear-splitting Noise coming from a Very Loud Big Ass Public Address System.)

Anyway, the people manning the 3-1-1 Bitch Line referred all the Bitchers to (800) RUN - NIKE. There is a problem with this course of action. This is NOT a Nike phone number! It is a PHONE SEX LINE number! Bitchers to this number are greeted with "unzip that fly, baby."

This puts us into an entirely different category of "marathon", IYKWIMAITYD. At $3.99 per minute.

But, I digress.

The Dumbasses at 3-1-1 should have given the Bitchers a different number that, you know, actually puts the Bitchers in contact with Nike! The number that should have been given to the Bitchers is (866) RUN - NIKE. A small but significant difference with the other number.



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  1. Should have offered a free pair of Nike's with each phone sex call!

  2. In S F that would be Nike Cross Trainers.

  3. Did they run down Castro Street?

    1. Bones...check out this San Francissy "Fair": (NSFW!!!!)

  4. Orgonian Dumbasses Unite !October 25, 2013 at 9:34 AM

    What was that number again? I didn't HEAR it over that VLPAS !
    Now I love San Fancisco very much but I can't understand why they complain when they know THIS HAPPENS EVERY YEAR! Take a friggen vacation ..... its for BREASTICLE CANCER ....... DUMBASSES !

    1. Exactly!

      This is one of the biggest womens marathons in the world! It's not like somebody planned it out last Tuesday and put it on a few days later.


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