Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Drunk Guy Passes Out In Port-O-Potty! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Drunk Guy Passes Out In Port-O-Potty!

In late September, 2011, I wrote about a guy who got his jollies by diving for doo doo. At the time, I was certain that we would not encounter another story having to do with port-a-potties for quite a while. What the hell was I thinking?

Along comes this Dumbass in New Jersey to prove me wrong.
Hobo Hotel

Here's the Poop

Unlike the doo doo diver guy who was sober as a judge, this time our Dumbass was lit like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. From what I can gather, the 61 year old guy in today's story was simply using the port-a-potty to take a leak and somehow got locked in the toilet. He said he tried banging on the john's door and screaming real loud, but there was no response to his plea for help. So, like any drunk worth his weight in Budweiser, the idiot went to sleep in the port-a-potty. How a guy could sleep in a portable can is beyond me, but this guy must have been really plastered.

When he woke up he again began to make a lot of noise, which is what all New Jersey drunks do after they spend the night in a port-o-let. After all, the liquor stores open at 9 AM and this Dumbass was thirsty for breakfast... and in a large hurry. As a former Professional Drinker, I can relate to his wanting to get to the beer store, but I fail to muster up any sympathy for doing something as stoopid as passing out in a portable john, when I'm sure there are plenty of perfectly good bridges nearby that would make swell places to sleep...if you're a drunk Dumbass.

Even though he was late getting to the beer store, our Dumbass, whose name was not released (no shit?), was finally freed  from his Port-a-Prison, then taken to a local hospital where he was deemed OK to return to being a Dumbass Wino. A spokesdumbass for the township told the press, "No one has ever heard of anything like this happening here." Who the hell does he think he's fooling with that bullshit? This New Jersey for God's sake and you guys call incidents like this one, "Friday Night"!

This story does have a valuable lesson for us all. Let's hear it straight from the mouth of police Lt. Christopher Brignola, "We are instructing our employees that from now on they are supposed to open the door and look inside before padlocking it."

Be sure to knock first.

You never know when you'll intrude on a sleeping Dumbass in a portable toilet.



  1. I've stayed in crappy hotels, and slept in shitty cabins, but never, ever ...

    1. And I have been plenty drunk before but never, ever....:)

  2. Crazy story. It maybe a nightmare being locked in there but at least he can "go" if he needs to. I dare say this rather unfortunate incident has been repeated somewhere around the world.

  3. I dare say you are right.

    I bet you a dollar to a donut, I'll find a story similar to this one within 3 months of today without really looking for one.

    Thanks for the comment, The Guy!

  4. Yeah, to be so wasted you didn't hear the padlock clicking into place and not immediately recognize the sound for what it was... I think this was a lesson the guy needed to learn. You drink that much, you may just end up in a shi..y situation.

  5. Some come here to sit and think,
    Some come here to shit and stink,
    I come here to scratch my balls
    And read the writing on these walls.

    I suppose in New Joisey a port-a-pottie could be considered a luxury suite for the homeless. Just think, it could shelter someone from the elements and generate its own heat in the winter. Now there's a cheap solution.


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