Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Hypnotizing Dumbasses for Fun & Profit! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Hypnotizing Dumbasses for Fun & Profit!

Best of Dumbass News

Boston. Beantown. At Least We Ain't New Yawk, But We Wish We Had That Many World Series Championships. Whatever you want to call it, Boston is a city that is as full of American history and tradition as any city in the country. Paul Revere, the Red Sawx, the Boston Tea Party and really exceptional Dumbasses - all part of Boston, baby.

For Example...

Chicanery in Chinatown

A 57 year old woman was in Boston's Chinatown doing a little grocery shopping when she was approached by three women. The women began asking the lady questions and after several minutes, one of the trio handed the shopper a plastic bag. They then instructed her to go home, fill the bag with a shit load of loot and meet them later at Boston Commons.

She did. The lady filled the bag with a valuable necklace, a jade bracelet, her passport and $160,000 in cash! The Nice Lady then proceeded to the Commons where she willfully handed over her life savings to the three con women. The Nice Lady is a Dumbass.

I feel the need to jump in here and make a point or two.

Point 1) I may be in the monority, but if three strange Asian women were to instruct me to go home and cram a couple of hundred large worth of cash and jewelry into a Wal Mart bag, I'd have a tendency to become a bit suspicious. That's just how I roll.

Point 2) IF I ever reach a point in my life where my mental condition deteriorates to the point that I would even consider doing something so blatantly STOOPID, I hereby authorize anyone reading this post to promptly and mercifully put a .45 hollowpoint into my skull. I thank you in advance.

Keep Your Eyes on the Shiny Object

This same kind of crime has happened twice since the one above and all of the sudden the (I am not making the name of this organization up) Chinese Progressive Association (Commies?) has alerted its members "to remain vigilant when approached by strangers". That's odd, I tell my 5 year old daughter the same thing. The difference is that she seems to get it.

The Dumbass that heads up the Commies, I mean Chinese Progressive Association, says that he believes the victim was hypnotizedf by the three scammers. He backs this up with the solid evidence that his mother told him of thieves using hypnosis on their victims in his native Hong Kong. (No relation to King Kong or Donkey Kong)

That settles that! I gotta find me a How-to book on this Hypnotizing Dumbasses into Willingly Handing Over to Me Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars in Cash and Jewelry stuff. Then, I am moving to Boston. Chinatown specifically. Supply and demand. Beantown supplies the Dumbasses and the Dumbasses supply me - with millions of dollars!

Put. Me. In. Coach!

Other Ehtnic Groups

I see a potential trend here. If this kind of shit can be pulled on Asians, why not open up a market for Meskins, Eye-talians or Micks? Boston is a multi-cultural city after all. And I do not discriminate against any group. I don't care if you are the Mayor of Boston, if a person is a Dumbass (and from what I hear, the current mayor of Boston, Thomas "Mumbles" Menino is a Dumbass {and a Commie}) the person is a target, baby. And I aim to please.

America! What a country!



  1. Baahston, Masseschewshits? Where the clams have the consistency of wubbah and there's no place to paahk your caah?

    It should work on the libtards there. After all, Oblama used hopenosis to get them to elect him twice.

    1. Maine used to be part of Massivetwoshits.

      Now we ain't too fond of Massholes.

      They are the East Coast version of Cal-ee-forn-yans.

    2. Califoreignya has Piglosi... Massivetwoshits has Skerry.

      Horse apiece.

  2. Orgonian Dumbasses Unite !October 6, 2013 at 8:53 AM

    I just googled it. There is a book for this! Hypnosis for Dummys! I am so ordering this and getting me some cash and loot!! Oreeegon has no clue what's coming. I'll be loaded with 4X4' s, guns, virgin daughters and moonshine! See ya on the rich side .... Baby!!

    1. The American Dream!

      There's a Dumbass born every minute. With apologies to P.T. Barnum.

    2. LMFAO... YGM Toby.

  3. It was certainly kind of the miscreants to provide the dumbass victim a plastic bag to transport her valuables, wasn't it? I mean, they coulda made her use one of her own!

  4. Us New Yorkers laugh at Bahston dumbassery! Especially that dumbass accent!

    1. Then they throw a little nasal into it to make it even worse.

    2. I'm glad I'm a Texan. I have no accent at all. Right, Bones?

    3. Actually you don't. At least the times I've talked to you on the phone I never detected any. You must have been using your radio DJ voice.


    4. (Rocky Radio Voice) That's right, Bones!


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