Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: I Love You So Much I'll Bury a Butcher Knife In Your Back! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, October 10, 2013

I Love You So Much I'll Bury a Butcher Knife In Your Back!

I have a story today that is aimed squarely at you poor married schmucks.

Pay close attention, you'll be quizzed on this later.

Gentlemen, when you ask a lovely person of the female persuasion to be your bride, you are asking her to be your partner until death you do part. She is is to be treated with the dignity and respect due a woman who will one day bear your children. She is to be cherished for being the invaluable treasure she is.

In short, don't piss her off!

When sufficiently provoked, the pookie bear of your life turns into she devil with felonious intentions. Consider yourself lucky if your beloved requires an ample amount of you giving her shit before she finds her chicken cuttin' scissors and applies them to your gazebos. SNIP SNIP

A guy just up I-95 in Bangor didn't even have to make his Dumbass Wife mad before she slammed a kitchen knife into the dude's back! When the cops asked her why she did that she replied (take note of this, guys) "because he drives me nuts!" Well that settles that. Hell, if my wife stabbed me every time I made her mad, I'd look like sandwich cut roast beef from the supermarket deli. I have over time, learned to say "yes ma'am" when she gets that Texas Chainsaw Massacre look in her eyes and she hasn't made fajita meat out of me in over 3 weeks!

But, I digress.

Meanwhile back in Bangor...the crazy bitch stabbed her old man for no damn good reason (Note: I am all for stabbing someone when it is necessary to the plot) and she was promptly arrested and charged with all kinds of good stuff, including assault with a dangerous weapon.

Now get this. The Dumbass Lunatic Broad was released from jail after posting a cash bond. Fair enough. A cash bond of $1500!!! Are you fucking kidding me? Fifteen hundred dollars? For stabbing a guy in the back??!! What kind of Dumbass Judge would pull such a stunt? Damn! Oh, well, this is Bangor we're talking about here. Nice town, but a weenie paradise, or so I'm told.

Two things I do know about Little Boston Bangor:
  1. Some dickweed judge needs lessons in bail-setting.
  2. There's a crazy bitch out of jail on bond that should not be allowed to touch any kitchen utensils but spoons.

(Hat tip: Bangor Daily News)


  1. $1500 bail? That is nuts... and if driving someone nuts was a reason I think all of us would be dead already!

    1. I know what you mean, Hilary. The last time I buried a butcher knife in somebody's back, I got 5 to 7. Years. :)

  2. This dumbass should be locked up! Her picture scares me!

    1. In Texas, she is what we call "ugly as a mud fence'.

      Sorry for the insult to mud everywhere.

  3. I blame Stephen King for desensitizing your state to violent murder.
    You can send him to ComfyTown, we don't have anywhere near enough violence in here anymore.

    1. Big Steve in ComfyTown? Then you'd have to re-name it "Un-ComfyTown With a High Violent Crime Rate".

      I like it. :)

    2. Y'all....Joy Christi is the newest member of the Dumbass Horde Facebook Fan Page!

      Click on her name and go read her really cool, non-violent (until Stephen King gets there) blog!

    3. BTW, Joy...I live in Maine and Big Steve lives about an hour's drive from my house.

      Scary, huh?


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