Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: O Canada! Kids Burn Down RCMP Station to See Friend in Jail! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Sunday, October 20, 2013

O Canada! Kids Burn Down RCMP Station to See Friend in Jail!

Best of Dumbass News


I have four of them. Two grown sons, 34 and 31 and two little girls, 10 and 6.

I know, I know. What can I say? Your Fearless Leader is a man among men. A titan among midgets. A Dumbass among Intellectuals. Or something.

My point is that being the Father of such a polar opposite passel of kids has, shall we say, enlightened me in not only the differences between boys and girls (besides their plumbing), but the differences in two completely different generations of children - all of them my own!

I am 56 years old. Most kids the ages of my daughters have parents about 30 years old or so. When it comes to Parental Experience, I am not only ahead of the curve in some ways, but I am way behind it in others.

Without going into a bunch of psychobabble bullshit, let's just say that each generation of my kids has presented its own unique set of challenges.

Challenges not unlike the ones offered up by the two Canadian teens in today's story.


One of the best things about childhood is forming bonds with your friends. Being there when your friend needs you and vice versa. You know what I mean, unbreakable ties that last a lifetime. Or in this case, bonds that last as long as the kids are in Juvenile Detention together.

True friendship.

Let me splain.

Sparking Up a Friendship (and an RCMP Station)

There were once three friends in a small Canadian town located somewhere near the North Pole. Actually, the town, St, Theresa Point, Manitoba, is about 460 kilometers (that's approximately 285 miles for our non-Canuckistani readers) northeast of Winnipeg.

These three lads were members of a Social Club, and by "Social Club", I of course mean "gang", called "Bad Ass Sundays". Once a week, the constituents of this Gathering of the Future Inmates of the Canadian Penal System plot out various and sundry ways to commit acts of destruction throughout the Land.

As a matter of fact, one of these little rascals was already in custody for setting fire to an igloo or some shit like that. This left his two fellow thugs quite lonely for his companionship. So the two forlorn young fellows decided to go pay the poor boy a visit at the facility where he is locked up.
Not Dudley Doright

Now, most enterprising teenagers would mow yards, shovel snow, throw newspapers or some such thing to earn enough money to make the trip to Winnipeg to visit their friend. Not these two boys though!

They figured out a way to get FREE transportation to Winnipeg! Without working!

They set fire to a Royal Canadian Mounted Police station! Holy Dudley Doright!

What initiative! What originality! What a couple of stoopid young fuckers!

Crown Attorney Courtney St. Croix posed this thought, "If they are willing to burn down an RCMP detachment to come hang out with their friend, I'm concerned about what else they'll be willing to do to bring themselves back to jail".

It just so happens that I have extensive experience in the field of Being a Dumb Fuck Young Man and Doing Stoopid Shit (Without Burning Down an RCMP Detachment).

This knowledge, I believe, leaves me uniquely qualified to offer alternative methods of achieving the stated goal like visiting a fellow punk in prison.

  • Get a damn job! 
  • I'm positive there must be a McMoose Burger Joint somewhere in St. Theresa Point. Learn to say "super size" in English and French and soon the "loonies" (Canadian dollar coins) will start rolling in.
  • Start up a "Moose Food" stand. This is akin to a "Horse Food" stand in my Native Texas. Like all Texans are cowboys and own horses, all Canadians are Eskimos and own moose.
  • Except the French Canadians.
  • Steal hubcaps. There's big money in hub caps.
  • Sell pot. 
  • Canada is home to some killer weed.
  • So I am told.
  • By a friend.

***Thanks to the Sun News***


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