Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Wanna Get Away From Your Wife? Fake Your Own Kidnapping! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Friday, October 11, 2013

Wanna Get Away From Your Wife? Fake Your Own Kidnapping!

I am a married Fearless Leader.

From experience I know that marriage can be turbulent at times.

I mean, sometimes a guy just needs to get away from it all for a little while. I'm not talking about The Big D and I Don't Mean Dallas here, I mean that sometimes a man simply needs to go fishin' or on a motor sicle ride or fake his own at-gunpoint kidnapping.....

Rogelio Andaverde of Hidalgo County, Texas was at the point where getting away from his wife for a while was at Crisis Level. And of course by "Crisis Level", I mean he did something stoopid. 

And illegal.

As Senor Andaverde sat at home with his wife last Tuesday night the unthinkable happened! Two masked bandidos brandishing  pistolas busted down Rogelio's door and, horror of horrors, right in front of a terrified Mrs. Rogelio, whisked him away!

Senora Rogelio called the policia and frantically explained to them what had just happened. (Note: there is no word on whether she had to "marque dos para Espanol"). 

Let me tell you that the Sheriff's Department of Hidalgo County, Texas takes armed men busting into someone's home and taking another human bean against his will very seriously. Tweleve Sheriff Guys and a Cop Chopper immediately set out looking for Rogelio, hoping to safely free him from his captors.

After several hours and no Rogelio, the Sheriff Guys called it a night and decided to call off the search.

Two Days Later 

A couple of days later, Rogelio miraculously returned home unharmed, saying that his abductors had shown him mercy and released him safe and sound. 

His wife was thanking God that her beloved husband was back home none the worse for wear.

The Hidalgo County Sheriff's Department was suspicious.

And with good reason.

Upon further review and investigation, Andaverde admitted that the whole ordeal was a hoax! 

I know that many of you are now asking yourselves, "Why in the name of South Texas would Rogelio concoct such an elaborate story and stage a phony kidnapping that would leave his poor wife traumatized to Hell and back AND lead a dozen officers of the Law and a police helicopter on a wild burro chase?"


Because he wanted to party with his amigos! 

I think that staging one's own abduction at the hands of gun-wielding maniacs in order to party with one's buddies is a perfectly legitimate reason for escaping the throes of marriage - if done in moderation, of course.

You married Dumbasses will understand this.

You Unmarried Guys won't.


***Hat Tip to Dumbass Matt Vaughn***


  1. LOL... well, I'll give him credit for being creative.

  2. One wonders how long he'll be away from the wife now?

  3. Wouldn't a quickie divorce be much easier for this dumbass?

    1. Yes.

      And much cheaper.

      With fewer "friendly convicts".


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