Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Best of Dumbass News - Dumbassisms: Only in America! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Best of Dumbass News - Dumbassisms: Only in America!

Best of Dumbass News!

couple of posts ago I mentioned that I am big on sayings. You know what I mean. Those witty one liners that makes so much sense you wonder, "Why the Hell didn't I think of that?"

A few days ago I got an email from a good friend of mine in Texas, who would like to remain anonymous, so I will refrain from telling you that his name is Ted Nicolai. So Ted my friend shoots me this email with all these cute one line observations on it and I would like to share some of them with you.

I shall call these witticisms "Dumbassisms". I would call them Tedisms, but the words "Ted" and "Dumbass" are interchangeable and I like the word "Dumbass" better than the word "Ted". If I liked "Ted" better, I would have named this blog "Ted News", but I didn't. Besides, everybody knows what a Dumbass is and nobody cares about what a Ted is.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Tedisms Dumbassisms
  • Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
  • Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
  • Only in America ......do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
  • Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
But Wait! There's More!
  • Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
  • Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
  • Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
 Finally
  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
I know the answer to the last one. It's to make the dishwashing liquid taste better! I thought everyone knew that. Geez.

I told you that the words "Ted" and "Dumbass" were interchangeable.

Ted.

I mean...

Dumbass.

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