Google+ swCj71E42RfqfgWx3JOogUovB8w Dumbass News: Lady Runs Over Boyfriend 3 Times! For Not Going to McDonalds! : o77OwPu8GHYudT_bxY1ohX-tzdw

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Lady Runs Over Boyfriend 3 Times! For Not Going to McDonalds!

Today's Dumbass News story is about dining out.

I'll get to the meat of it in a second.

I don't eat out much.

Why?

  1. I am disabled. Therefore the Gubmint of These United States is benevolent enough to each month return to me a small portion of the money I sent to them each payday over the last 40+ years
  2. This is called "Fearless Leader Gets Fucked Without Getting Kissed", or more precisely a "Fixed Income". 
  3. How nice of them. 
  4. Taint stains.
  5. Mrs. Fearless Leader is a great cook. 
  6. See for yourself on her YouTube Cooking Show Thingy.
  7. I have two young children who act like monsters when I allow them out of their cages and into public.
  8. I no longer have bail money for thrashing my kids for acting like Little Godless Heathens every time we go out to eat. 
  9. Some restaurant employees have no sense of humor when it comes to thrashing children in front of a dining room full of hungry people.
  10. It's expensive as hell to take my family of four out to eat.
  11. Just going to McDonalds for a night of Family Dining and Child Thrashing costs about $40.
Speaking of The Golden Arches.....


McFlattened

A guy in Kingsport, Tennessee was taking his girlfriend out for a nice supper.

He had a place to eat in mind and so did she.

The Lady, Crystal Brooks, wanted to go to McDonalds. Her boyfriend had other ideas.

This is when The Fight started.

While driving down a busy street, Crystal got all pissed off and somehow forced The Boyfriend to the side of the road.

During the melee, The Boyfriend evidently got out of the truck. This was not a good idea. Crystal then managed to get behind the wheel.

Crystal, her heart still set on a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, no onions, with extra pickles and a portion cup of sweet and sour sauce on the side, had only one avenue of recourse.

She revved up the truck and ran over The Boyfriend!

Three times!

While this may seem a bit extreme, it is socially acceptable in Tennessee to plow your date over with a Ford Truck if he or she refuses to take you to the eatery of your choice.

But only if you run him/her over just once.

Running him/her over twice is considered rude.
Possum On the Half Shell

Three times is considered a felony. 

Four times means he's roadkill.

And that's satisfactory only when making Freeway Frisbees out of raccoons.

Or armadillos, commonly referred to as Possum On the Half Shell.

Dumbass.

***Thanks to Dumbass Matt Vaughn for the Tip***

15 comments:

  1. Kingsport, TN does it again. I live between Kingsport and Johnson City, and this piece of dumbass news doesn't surprise me in the least. Don't get between these people and their Mickey D's! Or their meth. Depending on the time of day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I saw on your G+ profile that you live there! I had already written the story at the time and LMAO!

      Thanks for the comment, Nicole!

      Y'all click on Nicole's name and go follow her blog! It's a very cool site!

      Delete
    2. Thanks, Toby! Yes, it's embarrassing to admit I live amongst these dumbasses, but I consider myself a snobby transplant. Although growing up in Georgia, there were plenty of dumbasses to go round!

      Delete
    3. The Well of Dumbassery never runs dry.

      Delete
  2. Er...Nice of her for not going over him a fourth time?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Says alot about the sort of people that live in kentuck'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least they have good basketball in Caintuck.

      Delete
  4. Supersize those fries and soda for that dumbass?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Luckily, the truck he was smashed by wasn't Super Sized.

      Delete
  5. Never mention Burger King to a McD's woman. Never.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some women will not settle for a "Quarter Pounder" when all they want is a "Whopper", IYKWIMAITYD.

      Delete
    2. BTW, P.J., I checked out your site and I like it!

      Click on PJ's name and go follow his site, Dumbasses!

      Delete
  6. Debbi DeChellis (Oregon Dumbass Society)November 8, 2013 at 9:09 AM

    Wow! The next time my Hubby wants Taco Smell and I want my Pounder I am soooo running his ass over! McD's would give me Pounder credits just for the exposure! I wonder what it feels like to be run over by a 1987 Pontiac Trans Am? If I show up on this page for my antics will I win a DumbAssery prize???
    P.S. Love your Wifeys cooking page! I want to come to your place for dinner! She's a rockin Mamma!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are welcome to come for supper at The Dumbass Dome!

    Mrs. Fearless Leader will make you a Big Mac Pizza.

    Then you can run over me using my Subaru. It's All Wheel Drive.

    ReplyDelete

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